God, It Could Power the Sun

Party

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, VAGUELY DESCRIPTIVE SUICIDE, VIOLENCE

*PLEASE BE CAREFUL AND REFER TO THE NUMBERS IN THE INTRODUCTION IF NEEDED! YOUR SAFETY COMES FIRST!*

~Five Years Later~

One.

One beep.

And then Josh slams the snooze button on his stupid alarm clock that he hates with a burning passion.

He had to hit it once more before the resonant sound finally ends. Relief washed over him; an alarm at this time was, arguably, the most stressful noise known to mankind.

With a tired groan, he blinked open his eyes, and looked at the calendar on his wall.

Sunday, April third.

It was circled in thick red Sharpie, exaggerated by jagged lines protruding from the shape.

When Tyler had asked him why he'd circled that date, he just told him it was a surprise. One that Josh knew he would enjoy. He'd planned it out completely. All he wanted was for Tyler to be happy, and there wasn't a doubt in his mind that this would bring him nothing but pure glee.

Josh couldn't really tell if he was having an internal celebration, or pity-party. Would the frosting on the cake be spread perfectly? Would the candles be blown to nothing with one breath? Or would it be a mess of tears, popped balloons, and broken party poppers?

He didn't know.

That barely mattered to him, though, as he made his way over to the nursery and smiled sadly as his' and Tyler's two children; Jonathan and Rue. This would be the last time he'd see their freckled faces in the morning.

He walked over to his daughter, who was still sleeping, the purple sheet of her thin blanket up to her chin. She may not have been awake, but she still smiled when Josh whispered, "I love you, Rue," and gently placed his hand on her back. He rubbed circles into her skin with his thumb, something that had always seemed to calm her down.

Of course, she didn't need calming down at the moment; Josh just wanted to do something like this for her once more.

Not wanting to leave his Rue, he reluctantly walked over to Jonathan, whose big blue eyes were wide open. He giggled at the sight of his Dad, who smiled back at the little boy with glossy eyes. "I love you, too, Jonny."

Jonathan reached his arms up, clearly wanting to be held. Josh complied, picking up his son and cradling him in his arms. He kissed his forehead, and the smile on his face was nearly real. He loved his kids with all of his heart. It was a shame he'd have to leave them tonight.

Tyler wasn't up yet, he knew. Nobody should have been awake—his job required for him to get there really early in the morning. Too early for his liking, anyways.

Really, though. It was a Sunday. He shouldn't have been awake before 12. That was ridiculous!

Jonathan fell asleep in Josh's arms all too soon. Josh placed him back in his crib and, as much as he wanted to say his goodbyes, his voice got caught in his throat, and all he could do was take in a shaky breath and wipe his teary eyes.