God, It Could Power the Sun

~Ten Years Later~

"Hey, um," Rue began to say through her mouthful of cereal. Tyler gave her a look, and she rolled her eyes, but swallowed the Froot Loops before continuing. "I've just been wonderin', y'know...why—why don't we have two parents?"

Okay, now, I know what you're probably thinking; they're 13 and still don't know the answer to that question?

Well, hear me out, okay? Even now, ten years after the 'incident,' Tyler is mourning the love of his life. He's never remarried. Never dated anyone after Josh. Was that unhealthy? He didn't think so. He didn't really care.

Anyways, Tyler couldn't really bring up the topic much. It would always end in tears, and God, he was so fucking sick of tears. So he would usually change the subject.

Not today, though, he thought, sliding his wedding ring up and down on his finger. He took in a shaky breath, eyes flickering between Jonny and Rue's gaze.

"Well, um. When I was around you guys' age, a little bit younger, I met a guy named Josh," he started. Rue, intrigued, and slightly saddened by her father's solemn tone of voice, took another bite of cereal.

"We...we were best friends. Practically inseparable. Uh, we were like that until highschool. Then our relationship...it grew a little."

The two kids both nodded in understanding. Rue set her spoon down in the now-empty bowl, resting her face on both of her fists.

"Josh and I got married," he sighed, looking down at his ring. It still sparkled like it did when Josh proposed. "I love him. I love him a lot."

He looked back up at the kids. "He–he died, though," his voice cracked, "um. But—but he's always with me. He's with you guys too, okay?"

Despite never having known their other dad, Jonny and Rue found themselves tearing up. They both nodded, and Jonny wiped his eyes.

"It—" Tyler took a deep breath. "It was a suicide. Your dad...he had a couple issues with his brain. That didn't matter, though. We got him all the help we could. I–I guess it just...never really worked."

The room was silent. Maybe they were grieving the loss of someone they never really knew. Maybe they just didn't know what to say. Maybe Josh had entered the room and closed their lips for them, because none of them seemed to be able to speak, anyway.

Tyler, as an invisible lightbulb lit up above his head, stood up. He walked over to a cabinet that had since been painted black. That was from the time Tyler had tried to move on. He'd painted that cabinet, bought a new pillow—that he ended up throwing out—and replaced the empty flooring in the living room with a rug. That'd gone in the trash, too, and he would probably paint the cabinet back to its original color if white could go over black easier.

He opened one of its drawers, shuffling through until he found what he was looking for. He brought the paper back to the kitchen table with a sad sigh.

"He left a note. I've never read it; I was too scared. But I think now's the time, yeah?"

Jonny and Rue stood up and rounded the table to stand next to their father.

They leaned over his shoulders, eyes scanning the page carefully.

I'm going to make this quick, 'cause I honestly just wanna get it over with. If you're reading this, I'm dead. You're happy now. Win-win, right?

Well, even though you must have a shit-eating grin on your face, I figure I should probably put a disclaimer in here.

So, for Tyler; this isn't your fault. At all. Keep that in mind, okay? You're an amazing father to Jonny and Rue, and I know you'll continue to be. You'll probably be even better without me here, weighing you down. You're beautiful, and perfect, and I love you more than I can put into words. And Blurry and I both agree that, even though you probably don't love me back, that's okay. Because you deserve all the love in the world. Not me. I love you.

Jonny & Rue. I'm so incredibly proud of you two kiddos. I know you'll do great in life. I can already tell. You two are just as flawless as your dad. I love you, and I wish you the best.

To anyone else who, for some reason, would care: I'm sorry. Goodbye. I probably love you, too.

~Joshua

All three were in tears by the time they were finished reading. Tyler was trying very hard to keep his breathing even, though, and was doing quite a good job. Years of crying had gotten him used to it.

And, though his body shook with every soft sob, he was smiling so, so wide.

'God,' Josh thought, 'that smile could power the sun.'