girl meets the secret to life | lucaya & riarkle

49. Girl Meets The Cliff.

If someone told me that by my early twenties I'd be a single father of four children, I would laugh. Very, very hard .

Yet here I am, a single father of four. Or, I thought I was. It had been a week since I had heard from Maya. There were search parties looking, but I had given up hope to be honest.

I saw the car. There's no way she could surprise a crash and fall like that. It was hopeless.

As a boy in high school, I thought I knew heartbreak. I thought I understood the pain of someone leaving. I thought I had gone through the process a million times.

Yet here I am. You never know heartbreak until you've complelty lost the person you love. The person you've surrounded your entire life around. The person you've grown with, created a home with.

It physically hurt my chest everytime I thought of her, heard her name, even saw something she loves. Even songs she used to sing to causes me to break down.

The worst is the pictures. They're everywhere. Through my phone, on the walls, on the news, everywhere.

I can't stop rethinking everything. I should have teased her less, called her beautiful more, taken her out and shown her the world.

But I never will.

All I will ever get it the memory of her, haunting me.

I want her here so bad. I need her here. I punch the dresser, crying out in pain. Not from my hand, but from my heart.

It's not fair.

It's not fair.

It's not fair.

How am I supposed to raise a family by myself? She's always ran everything. She knows the schedules, what to cook, how to handle and parent every situation.

I was given an angel.

And she was ripped away from me.

How was I supposed to be strong for everyone when the love of my life is gone? How do I stay strong when I  feel like it's hitting me the hardest?

Being a father is hard. I should have known this, I've done this for years. Always been here for these kids.

Yet here I am facing the hardest thing in my life, and I feel as if no amount of years could save me. No amount of years could help me.

This is something I'm going to have to figure out on my own.

It will get easier. I know it will.

I just want her back. So bad.

My head snaps up as the door creaks open slowly. There stands Bethany, a slightly frightened look on her face.

"Hey," I say to her. "Are you okay?"

She stands there, nodding her head slowly. Her chin trembles slightly, but she doesn't start to cry. I can't imagine what's running through her mind. She's six, and her mom, all she's ever known, is gone.

I open my arms to her, "Come here."

Bethany comes running in, both arms forward and jumps into my arms. To my surprise she doesn't start crying. After hugging me, she hands me a paper.

"Lizzy said that I couldn't send it, but you know more then her. She's not as big as you."

"Send what? What is this?" I ask, opening the paper up.

"Its a letter to Mommy."

My heart hurts as I look at the picture she's drawn. There are six stick people, all holding hands and smiling.