dear person who's in love

loss

"tae" Jungkook said in a low and calm voice, caressing Taehyung's hair.

Taehyung kept his eyes closed. after some time he fell asleep.

He woke up again with Jungkook laying beside him and looking at him. Taehyung turned around moved closer to Jungkook and took the other's arm and brought it over himself to hug it.

Taehyung fell asleep again.

He woke up by Jungkook moving his arm a little. He forced himself to open his eyes, turn around and look at Jungkook.

Jungkook looked up at his boyfriend.

The time was 5:34 pm.

Taehyung slowly sat up and looked around his room. Nothing had changed but it looked different to him.

he felt different. like there was a hole inside of him.

he had lost his best friend, and she'll never come back.

Taehyung sat on the edge of his bed for a minute, feeling the gaze from his boyfriend who still laid in the bed.

Then he suddenly stood up and sat down by his desk, opening his computer and started writing.

The two boys stayed where they were for two hours, only the sound of Taehyung's fingers moving to different letters on the keyboard of his computer filled the room lit up by the sun going down.

Jungkook stood up and walked to the door, not getting any reaction from his boyfriend who were fully attached to the now filled page with words.

"Im gonna go and get us some food, alright?" he said. Still no reaction from Taehyung.

Jungkook exhaled, turned around and walked out of the room.

two hours later Taehyung and Jungkook sat on the floor in Taehyung's room, eating ramen.

Taehyung felt Jungkook looking at him, but he didn't react, he just kept his eyes on the yellow noddles in the blue bowl.

"maybe we could take a walk later?" Jungkook then carefully asked.

Taehyung didn't say anything.

"Answer me when i talk to you Taehyung!" the other said a little louder staring at the hazel brown haired boy sitting with crossed legs in front of him.

Taehyung clenched his teeth still looking down, he was too tired to answer, he knew Jungkook was irritated by him, but talking or doing anything was the last thing he wanted to do.

"I can't do this" Jungkook said, standing up.

"All I try to do Taehyung, is to fucking help you, but you're not even trying" he said harsh, Taehyung closed his eyes, inhaling air.

Then the door slammed and the room was quiet

Taehyung opened his eyes again, tears starting to form in the corners of them.

He crawled back to bed and cried himself to sleep.

- - -

the time was 10:48 pm when Taehyung woke up again. His throat was sore and his eyes were swollen. He pushed himself with his arms to sit up. His head was spinning. But he forced himself to stand up and walk out in the hallway and down the stairs.

The kitchen and living room was dark and quiet, his parents were probably working.

Without knowing Taehyung walked to the front door.

Stepping out of the door, he noticed Bogum standing against the house wall and smoking a cigarette.

He stepped in front of him and looked at the older.

Bogum took a drag from cigarette his as he looked up at Taehyung. "hey" he said in a low voice and handed the cigarette to Taehyung.

Taehyung had tried smoking before, he always did it with Bogum actually, but ever since Bogum moved, he stopped, but now it felt right somehow, like maybe it would help Taehyung forget everything.

He reached out for the cigarette and took a drag from it, feeling the smoke coming into his mouth.

He slowly blew it out into the dark and handed he cigarette back to Bogum who was smirking at him.

"life is fucking rough isn't it?" he said, making Taehyung look up at him.

Minutes went by with silence and the two boys looking at each other. Bogum was looking intensely at Taehyung the whole time until the little smile on his lips disappeared.

Taehyung saw Bogum tightening his jaw and stepping forward. Bogum slowly grabbed Taehyung's face, admiring his eyes and skin, and lastly his lips.

and then he slowly leaned in to kiss Taehyung.

Taehyung kissed Bogum back. He didn't know why, but it felt like the first real comfort he had gotten since Ellie's death. Feeling Bogum's warmth, comfort and sympathy. Until Taehyung saw the image of Jungkook in his mind.

he pushed Bogum back so that he bumped into wall, turned around and ran down the street into the dark, with tears in his eyes.

Taehyung felt lost, he didn't do anything right anymore.

He sprinted through dark streets with clenched teeth and tears rolling down his cheeks.

He made it to the top of the hill. Panting he grabbed the metal fence so his knuckles turned white. He screamed from the top of his lungs out into lights from the city that no longer were beautiful to him.

Taehyung turned around with a sore throat, burning cheeks from the salty tears and sat down against the fence. He felt the metal through his thin white tshirt, it was now wet from all the tears, he shook from the cold but didn't have the urge to move.

A silhouette came out of the dark and into the light from the city behind Taehyung.

Jungkook looked up at Taehyung.

"you kissed him" he said.

Taehyung sniffed and looked at Jungkook.

"you wouldn't understa-" he started while tears rolled down his cheeks

"NO, NO I FUCKING WOULDN'T TAEHYUNG " Jungkook yelled back, voice cracking.

"BUT IF YOU FUCKING TRIED TO" Taehyung yelled back, standing up and drying the tears away with his cold palm.

"NO ONE WOULD FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHY THEIR BOYFRIEND WAS KISSING ANOTHER GUY WHEN THEY ABSOLUTELY DID EVERYTHING TO HELP THEM" Jungkook was crying too.

Taehyung looked down "i can't do this.."

" I TOLD YOU, I TOLD YOU HOW MUCH I HATED HIM" Jungkook yelled

"JUST FUCK OFF" Taehyung yelled back, his head was getting tired of Jungkook yelling.

"IM DONE WITH THIS TAEHYUNG"

and taehyung was left on the hill, feeling totally numb