Dear little sister~

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Mom and dad don't see
The fights we have
They don't hear
Our shouting and screaming
Fists flying and bodies slammed
You're only thirteen
Still young- innocent,
I tried to protect that
But failed

My anger got the best of me

If only you could hear me
Every night- crying
Screaming in my bedroom
Until my voice is lost
Sound disappearing from my throat
If only you could see me
Punching my mirrors and walls
Gripping tufts of my hair
As I sit against the door

I don't mean my words
I don't mean to hurt you
And how I wish you didn't hate me
But I know I caused that feeling
Because I am angry
That no one was there for me
I tried to be a role model
But I never had one myself

And my anger got the best of me

I'm glad you can't hear me
Screaming behind my bedroom door
The explicit choice of words
That fly off my tongue
As I stare in the cracked mirror
I'm glad you can't see me
Throwing my fists into the walls
Until they split open, bleeding

My anger gets the best of me
And I wish you could understand
That my hatred is never for you
But you bring it out of me
A reminder of the hatred I carry
For myself
Because I couldn't help you
Grow up in the way you should have

I'm not a good listener
And I can't think past
My own experiences in the world
That damaged me to this point
But I can at least say I tried
To protect your true identity
From corruption and consumerism
Though, I failed

Because my anger got the best of me.

And I wish you could see that
I don't hate you. I love you beyond imagination.
I just hate myself too much to know
How I could change to help you
At this point.

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