Amphigory

Feminity

***spoken word***
*To all my fellow tomboys out there*

What defines femininity?
Be it the fine pristine of etiquette words and seamless composure?
Clear skin and clothes without wrinkles?
What is a woman?
Within this day and age a woman can be anyone.
Anything.
So,
What defines femininity?
Here's a personal story.
A testimony and a challenge.
Just because I have short hair and wear baggy clothes I'm a dyke. A lesbian. A transgender.
Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against those that identify as such, it's just
Not who I am.
So what defines femininity?
I wear baggy clothes because they make me feel comfortable and I am insecure
But insecurity in this society says that I am ashamed of the body I was born into when in all actually
I am insecure of the scars carried by this shell of a body my tormented soul is capsulated into.
I have short hair because it's my preference
But having such short hair in this society says I'm uncomfortable with being identified as a woman.
But this discomfort is only because if my hair is long then it's too much to deal with and my depression already makes getting out of bed in the morning difficult
While society screams I'm just lazy and neglectful
The voices                in my head
Are getting louder and screaming
Mother!
What right do you have to neglect?
Is it really proper for a daughter
To only hear her mother call her beautiful when she wears a full face of products and dresses as you deem properly feminine?
Living insecurely, tiredly, and overbearingly
Constantly seeking inexistent approval. 
Am I really a boy just since I don't like makeup and care little for fashion
When society says that women should adorn a particular dress code of modesty or prostitution
Appeasing to the eye and desirable by men
I want neither!
Do hobbies of boxing and skateboarding only identify to those born as men?
Just because I share the interests of a man does not make me one and just because I don't have the emotional energy to be in a stable relationship does not mean I'm secretly in love with another woman
Though society says my emotional exhaustion is only a excuse.
Nothing more than denial and neglect.
So what is femininity?

To me femininity is the pride and gratification of accomplishments women were told couldn't be done
To me femininity is the bonds of unity and support between women in crisis and hardship
What does femininity have to do with outer appearances and forms of behavior?
I get that yes, I can be mistaken.
And I get that yes, my silence in the matter can be misleading.
But don't assume that my silence is agreement with the mistakes in my gender or sexual orientation.
My silence shows that I don't care.
People will always believe something about you. Negative or positive.
We're humans and we judge subconsciously.
But I don't need accusations against my comfort to make me conform to what society may see as femininity.
I am a woman. And I am attracted to men. I am comfortable in baggy clothes and I prefer short hair.
Can't you just accept me as the woman I chose to be?
Instead of accusing me of tossing aside femininity because I don't follow your ideals.
So mother,
Let me remind you
A mother should love and support unconditionally in spite of all.
If I were perhaps to chose to become transgender, or decided to love another woman, who are you to judge me?
I am your child, born of your flesh and blood.
It shouldn't matter what my appearance or orientations are.
However,
If that isn't enough for you, then I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I couldn't meet your endless expectations and I'm sorry that you just lost your child to the world.
Because your negligence and bickering on femininity speaks louder than your acclamations of love and pride.
They will only stray me further than you'll be able to retaliate from. So I'm sorry.
But i hope you notice before you lose me.
Because that time, is coming soon.