I'm currently sad. If I were talking to my ex right now we would call this "falling" or "I fell" but I'm not talking to my ex I'm pretty sure it'd be a good idea to take her out of my life completely but I don't have that kind of willpower so.... yeah.
One of the theatre seniors pulled me over to the side and told me that he hated how everyone always talks about how amazing my sister is and they never look at how talented I am and he just hit me right in the heart because the only person who's ever noticed that and talked to me about and I'm just really grateful for him but now he's leaving and I'm gonna miss him and I'm gonna miss all of the seniors because I was close to all of them and I'm just really fucking emotional right now.
I've been reading a story and it's making me really sad but I can't stop reading it and it took so much to put it down because it was affecting me a lot. I'm just really sad but also crying and having tears fall down my face is a good stress reliever.
This time of the year is making me very emotional and I keep thinking that it's so bad this year because some of my favorite people are leaving and going off to live life and shit and I'm just really sad.
And I just realized that I'm scheduled to work on Saturday but Saturday is prom and I have to ask to get someone to cover for me but I don't want to because I feel like I've already done that a lot lately even though it was only once we also just had hell week and I only worked one day last week but right now is not a good time to think about this because I'm not mentally or emotionally okay so I'm just gonna deal with that tomorrow when I'm hopefully in a better mood. Idk I'm very stressed and school seems to be my last priority which is the opposite of okay and I'm really behind in speech class and idk I'm just really down right now. I was really sad and happy at the same time on Saturday because we had a show and we striked the stage and we had a lil cast party in the auditorium and I drove one of my favorite persons to their house and back and it just made me really happy. And I don't really know why but today made me really sad. So, I've just been having a lot of highs and lows and it's fucking with me.
I know that I should go to school tomorrow because if I don't my mental health is just going to plummet but I also know that I will probably do really bad in speech and trig tomorrow and the end of the year is coming up and it's really stressing me out and I just remembered again that I have to get someone to cover me on Saturday and life is really just stressing me out a lot and I had a 3-day weekend for Easter but I didn't do any homework because of the show and I felt like I needed a little bit of a break but now I'm regretting it and I feel really stupid in a lot of different ways.
I need to go to school because if I don't see my friends and get hugs from at least half of them i will honestly be so much worse than I am right now. But also I hate going to class when I don't have my work done.
I am supposed to have 10 pages of research and a complete speech outline and I barely have 4 pages... so yeah I'm stressed and sad and mad at myself
And I still have a crush on the straight girl and that's definitely negatively affecting my mental health but also spending time with her makes me happier than I am when I don't hang out with her so I don't really know what to do. I'm trying to get over her but also it's really hard to get over her because I genuinely think this is the first real crush I've ever had. Idk I'm sad. I also feel like I'm really annoying when I talk about my emotions so I try not to but that just makes everything worse....... :)
So there's your update. And yes I know that nobody reads this it just makes me feel better when I pretend to be talking to someone.
Oof
