I wanna be a writer I wanna be a singer I wanna be an actor I wanna be a teacher
I am in a life limbo right now, and I feel like I need to change something.
I miss singing and I miss performing
I am thinking about going back to college to join the choir and possibly the theatre departments and maybe I will major in music or music education?
I am not really sure, but I told my friend I would come visit chorale tomorrow, but I'm not sure if that is even possible with COVID restrictions and whatever, I've also never come to the high school as a visitor during school hours, so it would be a new experience for me.
I haven't completely let go of high school yet, and I think the idea of being a teacher appeals to me because I would be going back to school, and school is all I've ever known, so it is kind of comforting in a way.
But there is also a part of me that doesn't want to do that because I feel like I should experience what it is like to not be in a school setting, and try to find out who I am without school being a major part of my identity.
All I know is that today I realized that I really miss singing and performing, and I want to find a way to sing and perform again.
I have also been thinking a lot recently about being a writer. I've always wanted to be a writer, I've always started so many stories throughout the years, but I never finished any and I think that is because I never had enough confidence in myself to keep going.
I always do that with everything I do or want to do or get excited about. When I first think about it I am so excited and so sure that it is what I want to do and I start doing it or preparing for it or something like that. Then, whether it be a few days or a few weeks, I start to doubt myself, and my feelings completely turn around and I give up on the thought of ever doing that thing. It is really disheartening to do that, and by now I've done it so many times that I've given up on even trying to find ideas, and if a rare idea comes up, typically from someone else suggesting it, I barely even think on it or get excited about it because I'm scared that I will cycle through like I have with everything else.
I really like writing, and I love to sing. I don't know what to do. I like my job, but I know i'm not going to be there forever, and to be honest I really don't want to be there much longer, I feel like I'm getting ready to move on, but I have no idea what I'm moving on to. But I just keep having this feeling in my chest that I am ready to move forward in life.
