Sanders Sides Boiz Oneshots

Y'all Need To Take Care Of Yourselves... [DLAMP]

A request I nearly forgot to do (sorry) by someone named OfFluffAndBlood.  I'm sorry for messing up your request, but I'm not too comfortable with writing drunk characters. Even if they're drunk on cofeee. So have some miserable/sick sides!

STORYTIME!

Deceit walked into the living room to see a pile of miserable, even Logan looked like he was in agony. Patton was groaning, sitting upside down on the couch with his head on the floor and legs hanging over the back. His arms were draped over his stomach like a girl would do when she suddenly got her period, and his glasses fell off his face. Logan was cuddled up in a blanket with a little trashcan at his feet filled to the brim with used tissues. He didn't have a book or anything, he was just shivering. Virgil was drinking some sort of tea instead of his normal coffee, his face flushed and the rest of his body pale. He wasn't wearing his hoodie, which was the big flashing warning side that he wasn't feeling well. Roman was hiccuping in the corner, also holding his stomach. Deceit looked over at Logan with the most annoyed face in the entire world.

"What happened?"

Logan lifted his chin out of the blanket. His lips were horribly chapped and he had a cut on the bottom one. Looking closer at him, his eyes were raw and so was the underside of his nose. His hair was a complete mess. It made Deceit wonder of he was wearing his normal, stuck up attire, or if he was in lazy clothes like everyone else who couldn't bring themselves to wear slacks or anything other that shorts. But Logan was cold, so he was probably wearing his cheritmas sweater and some sweat pants.

"Patton and Roman decided to be utter imbicels and try to see who can eat more chocolate cake in the least amount of time. Roman won and now both of them have terrible stomach aches. Roman tried to drink a bunch of ginger ale to help, despite the fact I kept telling him that only works for nausea, and he gave himself the hiccups. Virgil overworked himself with anxiety about those two plus with everything going on and gave himself a fever. I, meanwhile, went in the Imagination to try and get some peace and quiet and had some rain in the background. However I neglected my need for warmth in that situation and I got some rain on me giving me the flu. It's truly pitiful."

Deceit snickered at Patton and Roman's stupidity and felt empathy for Virgil and Logan. He looked out at everyone. Roman was still desperately trying to drink more ginger ale. That's stupid. Deceit turned his attention from Roman to Patton, who had fallen off the couch and rolled onto the floor, laying on his stomach and reaching for his glasses. He also reached for s pillow to put under his belly. Deceit then turned to see what Virgil was doing. He was walking to the kitchen, opening the freezer, and just stood in there. He must be burning up. Deceit sighed.

"You all need to take care of yourselves..."

Depending on what context you were taking that statement in, it could be a lie or the truth. It'd be a lie if Deceit was using in a sense that he was going to leave then to their own devices to take care of themselves, but it was also the truth in the sense of saying that everyone needs to look out for themselves better. Self care is important, kids. That's the moral of this story. Deceit took another glance around, trying to figure out what he needed to do to make everyone feel st least a little bit of relief. Deceit decided that he should probably start with the people who are actually sick, like Logan and Virgil. Logan was right here, so let's start with him.

Deceit conjured a Pomeranian puppy and placed it in Logan's lap, causing Patton to gasp and pout out of jealousy. Animals are warm, and Deceit and lucky that this particular Pomeranian was a sleepy boi. Logan held back a smile he desperately wanted to show as he cradled the small dog, feeling warmth on his body. Deceit then conjured yet another fuzzy blanket to drape over the puppy and Logan. Then he decided to make it even better by conjuring a large novel and handing it to Logan. It was one of his own personal favorites. Sure, it was conspiracy theories, but they're fun to think about.

"Many thanks, Deceit."

Deceit didn't say a word, worried about lying by accident. He just smiled and moved on. He walked past both Patton and Roman to Virgil, who was zoning out in the freezer. At this rate he was going to waste their nonexistence electricity and send the nonexistent electricity bill over the roof. Deceit took Virgil's hand and pulled him out of the freezer. He shut it and conjured one of those thermal plushies, but super jumpy huggable sized. It was super duper cold. Virgil took it in his arms, struggling to hold the entire thing, and snuggled against it with a sigh. 

"Thanks, Dee."

Virgil began making his way back to the couch where he could snuggle with his new cold friend. Deceit walked back with him, conjuring a fan to blow on Virgil as well. With the hot boi and the cold boi settled, now he could focus on the two idiot boys. He grabbed Patton's ankle and dragged him over to where Roman was. He seemed to enjoy being dragged around on his stomach, because he didn't whine or complain. Deceit moved Patton so that he was right next to Roman. Both of them looked up at Deceit, ready to get scolded by him.

"That was the smartest thing I've ever seen you both do. What we're you thinking!? Eating that much cake!?! That's totally good for you."

Deceit used his lies to his advantage in this lecture. Deceit watched both of the men look between eachother and down guiltily, refusing to meet his heterochromatic eyes. Lucky for Deceit, that's the only hetero thing about him. Deceit crossed his arms and sighed. What was he going to do? He's not that good with stomach aches or trivial things like that. He only learned how to take care of himself when he was sick because he's never done anything stupid like that. Maybe Roman had the right idea with Ginger. Maybe Logan hasn't heard of that as a remedy for a stomach ache before. Roman looked much less miserable than Patton.

"At least Roman was smart enough to grab a Ginger Ale. Just don't overdo it. I want both of you to eat a mint, Alright? That'll relax you. Then I want you both to go and take a hot bath or shower. Agreed?"

Deceit handed them both a peppermint and they both nodded, sitting up and taking it into their mouths. Roman jumped up to his feet quickly and rushed up the stairs, not wanting to be a part of this conversation any more. Deceit rubbed his temples and sat down in front of Patton. He was obviously taking this way too hard. They both were. Deceit was bad in these times of situations. He was mad at them, he was mad that they would even try to do something that would make them miserable later, but maybe lying about that would to it good. He hated seeing them in pain.

"I'm not mad at you, just disappointed. You know better than that. Next time, don't go overboard. Okay? Now please go take a hot bath. It'll help."

Patton nodded and silently went upstairs to get to the other bathroom with a shower. Deceit stood up and turned around. Virgi, had fallen asleep in his little cold paradise. Logan wasn't reading, he was watching Deceit. He was analyzing how he'd handle everything, wasn't he? That's just what Logan does. Deceit felt stressed himself now. He got himself a peppermint and popped it in his mouth, walking over and scratching the sleepy puppy on their little head. Logan finally cracked the smile he was hiding from the others.

"We're both still figuring out hoe to deal with the others and their... eccentricities. Aren't we?"

Deceit nodded. How did Logan deal with these guys on his own without him anyways? That's a mystery. Either way, Deceit found himself smiling. They're idiots, but they're his idiots.

1368 Words 

This turned out awful. Again, I'm so sorry to OfFluffAndBlood for ruining their request. This is definately not what they wanted and this is such terrible writing. I wish I could be better for all of you. You guys deserve better than me.

As the moral stated: take care of yourself. Being healthy is the first step to being happy. Scientifically proven using hormones and biology. Eat an apple, go outside and just stand in the sun for a while, choose Water of Gatorade over a Soda, take in some fresh air. Be healthy and take care of yourself. It'll be so worth it in the long run.

Internet hugs and blow kisses!

~Eva