7 Pills

7 0 0
                                    


Empty bottles,

casted on the nightstand,

unread books

laying in dust below.


I don't tell time anymore

by the sun or the moon

or by the clock next to me,

it's when I take my pills.


One in the morning.

One when needed.

Three after dinner.

Two before bed.


One to calm me.

One to fight the monsters.

One to strengthen the other.

One to sleep.


Yet, I am not calm,

my monsters are still strong

and I can't sleep.


Nightmares plague me

night after night

and I wake up

not knowing what is

truth or dream.


One big white

one long white

four little whites

and one blue.


They make their own music,

as they rattle inside the

fluorescent orange case.


I used to be embarrassed,

I'm taking pills,

but now,

I am too tired to care.


I want you to stop

I want you to stop

I want you to stop


Stop


Stop


Stop controlling my anxiety

stop controlling when I take my pills

stop breaking my heart.


7 pills.

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