The Teenager Mind

chapter 5

The first guy is named Joey. Your typical guy, 5' 6", short brown hair, brown eyes, Caucasian. He wanted to join the military when he was older and altogether he was a very funny and helpful, I guess, person.

There is really no way to hate anyone in life, unless you got on their bad side.... he actually asked me out in third grade and I was 9 years old, and still wasn't sure where babies come from, I just shrug my shoulders and he I thought that was a yes. He Even told everyone the next day which then two weeks later we broke up because it just got awkward and two weeks later we got back together again because I didn't want him to be sad.

Basically this on and off motion went back and forth all the way until 5th grade where the whole entire year! I thought it was finally over, but in 6th grade he asked me out one more time and  I said no! I decided enough is enough and I've just wanted to decline because I'm awkward with people and just felt uncomfortable.

the next guy was named Michael. He was really short, had brown curly hair, tan skin. almost a mustache... he love to hurt himself, and was again a little bit normal guy , he did fail and got in trouble in a lot of his classes though......at the end of the year he was brave enough to then actually asked me out where. then I wasn't really surprised because I already heard a lot of rumors from other people saying literally was obsessed over me. like in a yandere obsessed over me..... I was 11 in sixth grade and I was positive I know how babies are made and I did not want to have a baby so I said no and carried on with my life. On the last day of school he asked if I could take a picture with him I said yes and since he was a really short boy I had to get on my knees to his height level and right next to his cheek to say a picture. he then press record and then kiss me on the cheek and ran away. he was shaking before he took the picture so when he actually did kiss me, he didn't really, and he just got a face full of my hair, so it was fine either way.

the next guy is named victory. He is a very tall man. He had a mohawk like black curly hair wear them the Mohawk top part was dyed bright green. He's a very memeulous kid. Like he would go out in the hallway dressed in a Waluigi suit doing the T pose screaming "EA Sports, It's in the game" or "the fitnessgram Pacer test..."

he was pretty funny with memes and once again overall great guy. all of these guys were amazing. it's just me.....still knowing what love is. even know knowing how babies are made, I still just wasn't sure in life. so on Valentine's Day when he gave me flowers and candy is I got the idea and said "no bueno".

And the last guy was named Nick where he asked me on New Year's Eve because why the heck not! He's about my height which is 5'1", maybe just a little taller. But he had short brown hair on one side and long hair that could cover  his face on the other side, the long hair side was died a very tinted red ,where I'm assuming it was really red, but he just hasn't maintained it since then We're now it's just blonde streaks in his hair. I don't want to be rude with him, but his teeth were really yellow,  he almost had a mustache growing, and there was wax you can see from his ears! It Just had me wonder if he took care of himself at all. But, He was my best friend and because of tha, t I got into a panic attack. Eighth grade was the really difficult year of me getting into severely more arguments than I have in my previous life between my parents and little baby ones with my friends. so all of a sudden having my friend like me in that type of way just made me scared for the future because I was going through deep depression. It made me realize that in the future
I'm going to get married

and I'm going to have to get a car

and going to have to pay bills

and going have to do all that adult and grown up stuff that I don't want to do in the future!

it really hit me hard.

I mean this dude was my best friend, all the other guys were really just acquaintances so I didn't really matter that much, but I also wasn't really questioning myself back then. I was still greatly conflicted on hurting their feelings and especially hurting my friend's feelings but I just had to cuz I was so afraid on anything love. All the way up until I was Middle School I was fine with love.

then again I really didn't know what it was or how you feel it or anything. I just knew that I had to like boys and that I had to grow up like my mom and dad. until when I realize, that you don't have to just like boys and that you can like the same gender as you!

It really confused on me which was the right way considering my mom seems like a racist, homophobic, transphobic, and sexist type of person. we would always get into little arguments about me wearing a shirt that made me look like a boy or me acting like a boy too much.

"so what if I was like a boy?....wait, am I? I really act more guy than girly girly.....which then made me start wondering....