The Teenager Mind

chapter 9

Now where is all my friends in this?

Brooke and Ashley were really my only friends that I ever deeply cared about considering they started this whole weird awesome side of me that I never thought I would be me without. after all all my friends at school, I would only see at school. my mom would be extremely overbearing and would only let me hang out with friends if I planned  our parents to meet each other.

But like a previously mentioned, my parents were just lazy to do any of that stuff. so there's really no point to have any other friends. I just had ones around my neighborhood. But there were no people around my neighborhood because I'm the last of the last. I'm quite literally the last child here, everyone else has my brother's age. being 18, 21, 30, heck, married with Children far far away from here!

when I was about 10 and my parents started having really bad Marriage issues and they were about to drop the "were getting divorced" truth on the whole family,

my friends moved.

Hahaha-HaHaHa-HAHAHA! life is just so WONDERFUL isn't it!?

You're just a child born and brought into this planet with a family and a house and brothers and sisters!
just being happy and thinking it will always be like this for all an Eternity and everything would be happy and no emotions whatsoever will happen! Everything will be perfect in life and you will just be the bowl of sunshine you are!
But sometimes God just wants to be- (words I cannot say in this book because my mom might find the story and punish me for saying)-and break your tiny little cutie itty bitty heart. making you suffer in reality. Where it's bleak, dry and cold. and we're no happy memories can be found.....

My friends that made me who I am today are leaving me where then my dad is also leaving me. the most people I ever loved in my life leaving me. They moved so far away I haven't seen Brooke and Ashley in 4 years. That's right. they don't have phones so I had no way to contact them. not to mention their mother is such a country girl they literally live out in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by Forests.

it may seem like I'm being overdramatic on them making me who I am today but I quite literally mean that. if I haven't seen them in 4 years, then I missed 4 years of thanking them everyday for making me. I missed 8 birthday parties. 4 in February and 4 in July.....Brooke is now 12 and Ashley is now 10! There both double digits....
In 1 year, Ashley will be in the Middle School....

They probably don't Miss all. where they probably don't even remember who I am. and they have so many other friends that they made, where then I'm forgotten....

I remember 4 years ago I would finally hang out with them after 2 years of not seeing them. Ashley and Brooke turned around and they looked at me and their eyes light up like a match, running in sprinting like a cheetah towards me. giving me a big tight hug.

I don't even remember what they sound like...

Now. I thought that everyone was just moving and leaving and just not caring and looking back. I realize that it might not have been their choice and their parents force them to move either because they didn't like how their house looked after a couple of years of living in it or just because of the Drury weather we have here. I'm realizing that now because my mom is doing the same, she wants to move and not look back. she even got rid of my swing set, most fun and carefree memories I've ever had on it....

she wants to move down to Florida which is why we also went there for vacation. so they can look at houses. she just wants me her and her boyfriend to come along. There's one time she had to write a whole summary of what I'm to her for a weird assignment in school and she said I'm kind of like an only child to her considering all my other brothers are extremely older. it's also the reason why she had her little secret going out and not coming back until 3 in the morning. because she was thinking she was 18 Again. she's even admitted it and set it out loud like it's a statement and that she is 18 when you're not. we all know you're not. you just put pounds and pounds of makeup on. it you're 50, mom.

deal with it.

I mean when I turn 50 I know I'm not going to be too happy myself looking like an Old Rag, but it's just life. no one wants to get old but there's a point where just becomes disgusting acting like that. she even started smoking  and all of a sudden she says go off and go do whatever. well I'll just wait here and then I'll go turn around the corner and look back at her lighting a cigarette. I stand up to myself like I did with my brother a couple years ago and tell her that she can do whatever she wants. it's her funeral anyways. It's her death. It's just going to get closer and I won't care because this is her fault. it's your fault that you're smoking. it's your fault that you're doing all the stuff. you don't have to do this, you can just stop and make it healthier for you and make you live just a little longer. I don't care what it is. if you are injecting, smoking, snorting or anything! that involves putting something in your body that isn't for digestion or breathing oxygen. you are making a 1% or more faster rate of killing yourself. And that's not good.

which is why I'm most likely going to be the last of my family to live. I bet when I turn 23 my mom's going to die. maybe even one of my brothers actually could even be dead right about now just because that's how crew life is. so to all the people out there that is doing this stuff to your body. I won't be there at your funeral. It makes me disgusted.

I also won't be there because I don't know you in real life *insert laughing emoji here* I'm sorry. I just got really deep inside there for a moment. it's what teenagers do, I think. I don't know actually