The Teenager Mind

chapter 14

Here it is. I was in the car on my way home after the horrible night.

I had ran into my room open up memos and start pouring my heart out. I did talk about it but I just slowly started dragging on about the meaning of the universe!

Geez.

May, 27 2019

"I'm a bad child. I'm a no good. everyone hates me. What I did was absolutely disgusting. Although when I say that, My Mind Is Telling Me No because I'm think about mine "friend's" feelings.

Thinking that it was fine cuz that is what couples do. I mean he just sent me something that said "last night was fun"

Yeah, sure it was.
for him. 

I mean he keeps telling me that we did nothing but I kind of think we did something more. and my dad, my 20 something so animals, my uncle, my grandpa, and just God himself are looking down at me in shame and disappointment.

I'm just like "Why did in that half of my mind was okay with it at the moment I was just mostly freaked out?" I  did not know what to do. I want to because just wanted to learn since I know absolutely nothing about being a grown up or anything in life now that I realize it. it's scaring me now. Now that I know and least a fraction of it.

I just can't look at mating the same now just knowing that's, that's what it looks like. that's just   how it works and there's a name for it and it's pronounced differently in so many languages, and that we just have a language and a way to communicate and just that is a thing where you can do with other people and where other people get heartbroken because we have emotions unlike animals!

yes, it can happen to animals. There no different. but they do it because that's how they expand their population. we may do it because we want to show love in to the point where we have things to stop them from having our population grow.

just have to realize that every single person in the world was made and created resulting two people in bed and that said two people are your parents that are alive and that you can speak to.

it's just weird how our world works, I mean my friend told me "if we praise our God for all of this glory. why wouldn't he give something back? why are their children dying and being raped and just bad stuff happening right in the world as we speak?" and I told her that's how life works. I can't have it being perfect. That's how you learn in the first place right?

I didn't realize that he could do that just for us he could quite literally help us out just a little bit and so expect so high demands from us.

take a look of my uncle, pretty positive, great adopted family, great house, great money, cares in shows appreciation in his very weird strict ways, and has never wanted any sexual stuff in his life. You can just tell because he has two adopted children which are my cousins that aren't actually related to me!

which is just sad.

I mean after that night I never want anything do that with a person again!  I never want to talk to a person again! but it's still just sad. It's God is restricting him from having any fun in his life. Not like that type of fun. But he's doing it just so he can stay pure in God's eyes. When I slept over his house in the winter. I was talking to my friend and my cousin told my uncle that I was and that he was a boy. my uncle said to "be careful since you know what  guys think about"

You mean like hanging around a bunch of other guys, playing fortnite, eating two large pizzas, with a 2 Liters of Coke, and 25 bags of Doritos?

Because that's literally what I thought about.

Then again they're probably only doing that because they actually have no woman friends to hang out with and smash with. Smh. It stands for shake my head

I mean then again I didn't really do anything except just let him do it and have my mind be okay with it. even though half of my mind was saying no now that I think about it. But then my mind saying that it's okay considering on how we kids wish to become them. Adults. And that like I just said it's okay because adults do this. But it isn't just that. Fun in the bed and having freedom, you stupid minded teenagers! Ya'll don't  realize how scary it is! And really neither do I because I'm not an adult yet I'm only turning 14 in August! So your rights and how I can't throw facts about I would also sucks to be an adult because I don't really know it myself making you not going to trust me that being an adult Isn't Easy As It Seems.

now I only really know about billing and those stupid house payments and then dealing with further damage to your house and groceries and just things to keep you entertained in a live I'll just to survive another day. and  just making babies is a humongous part of it. So you can have a family so then you actually have a purpose to get all this other food and not just for yourself!

And like I said for the third time now, kids are doing it because adults do it. It's called being a role model adults. If you smoke sooner or later the teen will start. Etc. Etc. It's even most difficult when your parent starts rushing you or forcing you to do this and do that so then you'll have a successful future that you might not even want to have or enjoy. Where I'm pretty positive my mom wants me to become rich so she can live off my money and so then she can have grandkids. So that she can just sell the house and move in with me  and live the high life. What a female dog."

After all that I packed up my things and said "yay.  another chapter done on my book that no one's going to read!" But then I realized. Nothing really got to overboard with both of us because:

1) didn't want to force the other person

2) we didn't even know what to do

and 3) it didn't even like each other!

Think about it!

If you look back at your mom and dad's Glory Days, when they loved each other more than anything in the world. They would do this and totally be fine with it and go extreme because they know they can't get in trouble and they 100% have feelings for each other.

Well I didn't and he most likely didn't after he met me in person. Because he did comment on how my stomach looked more bigger and chubbier. he also said that he liked me because of how I look. Now that I think and thought, He's really shallow.