Static /// Colby Brock

Dreadful silence

Colby's POV

I didn't say a word. I didn't have to. I couldn't. I could barely hold up the phone let alone control my voice which jumped out the window as soon as I picked up the phone. My words were irrelevant. They weren't needed. She told me everything, everything to clear up the situation for me. I know she knows me well enough to distinguish my responses based on my breath which grew shakier. Static growing louder thanks to the bad connection, just like our emotional one, nearly breaking. Or, at least, that's what I thought. People want what they can not have. This has been proven on more than one occasion. And if I didn't want her before, I damn wanted her then. Right then, when she was thousands of miles away. Too far from my reach. The only time I could reach her, my own voice let me down. My own mind disappointed me with the chaotic storm it threw at me. After cautiously trying to pick the right thing to say and failing, I stayed silent and just listened. Listened to the silence that grew on both sides of the line after she finished her explanation, which I knew by heart since it was not the first time she had told me. But that night, she was clearly drunk. While she managed to keep it together the first time, she was completely losing her battle with herself the second time. And yes, I couldn't find whatever I needed to have in me to respond either of those times. The silence was slowly killing her and suffocating me. Painfully sinking two hearts that were not even whole to start with. There was only one way....calling her and actually speaking. As hard as that simple activity appeared to be, at least to me.

That day I was still jet-lagged from the flight back to LA. The Earth beneath me still seemed to be unsteady and the world around me kept spinning. And the last thing I needed was to get drunk. I made a mental note of that before proceeding with my slow and slightly head-throbbing day. Finding a vacant house downstairs was indeed a surprise I was glad to receive. I enjoyed the 5 minutes of silence before the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs ruined everything. I rolled my eyes and turned my head to see who was disturbing my own personal time of peace. Guess who? You know what, never-mind, I'll just tell you - It was Sam. I rolled my eyes again to show how annoyed I was at his sudden entrance, but he either didn't notice it or brushed it off. He walked in the kitchen, mumbling a quick "hey" which I assume was directed towards me and not the wall in front of him. I responded with the same amount of enthusiasm, humming a "hey" of the same speed back. Soon, he came back into the living room, phone in one hand and an apple in the other. 

- I've got some rather "exciting" news - the tone of his voice changed to sarcasm when he said the word "exciting".

- Oh boy, am I excited to hear them - I kept my eyes glued to my phone, which wasn't even on, might I add.

- Elton's coming back tomorrow - Sam answered, short and sweet

Aannnd, all of my attention was suddenly centered on the conversation which I had found boring only mere seconds prior.

- Alone? - I asked and dropped my phone next to me on the couch

- If you're expecting Sabrina, it's not gonna happen - Sam bit into his apple and unlocked his phone. - Elton prevented you from seeing her when you were withing an arm's reach of her, do you really think he will let her hop on a plane to come live with you?

I shook my head.

- That's what I thought - He sat down on the armrest of the armchair closest to him. 

I stood up and walked over to the backdoor to escape Sam's gaze and my own thoughts.

How stupid could I have possibly been to expect Sabrina to show up at the doorstep of our house. To re-open the book contained our story. To give us another chance. Well, I was pretty stupid cause even after Sam had crushed my hopes and dreams, I still had a slight gut feeling that suggested Elton wouldn't come back alone. Too bad I wasn't able to convince anyone at the time. Good thing I didn't try. That would've been exhausting. 

Hey, remember what I said about getting drunk being the last thing I needed? Yeah? Well, forget it, since I went against my own advice. That's right! I got drunk and close to around 3 in the morning I was even considering doing a seance in my room. Then I decided against it, already feeling possessed. My windows were wide open, the covers along with my shirt were on the floor and I was laying shirtless on my bed, one arm bent under my head while the rest of my body remained flat as a board. My body was on fire, and I felt the room around me burn as well. I rubbed my forehead with the back of my hand, brushing away a few beads of sweat I didn't realize were there. A few tickled my chest but I didn't bother moving my hand that far to brush them away. It was getting harder to breathe by the second. There was only one way. 

I turned my head to the side, staring at my phone which was resting on my nightstand. I wanted to, I really wanted to, but God damn it, I knew I would hate myself afterwards. However, I knew I would end up hating myself either way. So, without further self-torture, I reached out and grabbed my phone. I stood up and walked over to one of my windows, poking my head outside. The air was slightly colder, but didn't help to change my mind. I dialed her number which I knew by heart and pressed the green "call" button. It was too late to back out at that point, at least that's what I told myself cause I didn't want to hang up. One side of me was a coward, the other a broken-hearted hero. I feel like "hero" is too strong of a word to describe the less afraid part of me and.....OH GOD, SHE PICKED UP!

My phone gained about 70 lbs in my hand, causing me to nearly drop it. I waited a moment. Nothing. No words were spoken, just the familiar sound of breathing and the distant sound of light static. Seeing how dumb it would be to call and not say anything, I let the third me, the drunk me, take control.

- It's late - yes, that's a perfect start to the mess of a speech I had in mind. Amazing job, Colby - I know I'm probably disturbing you. But could you please give me about 5 minutes to say what I didn't find the voice for these past two nights. I also happen to know I'm drunk, and I'm sorry for it. I just really want you to know that I'm not giving up on us either. I never want to let go of this. Thousands of miles can't keep us apart, at least not properly. Not when we have thousands of things that keep us tied together. Things that will bring us together once again one day, don't you worry. And while we have the silence keeping us close and the static reminding us of who we are to the person on the other line, I know we'll be just alright. 

- We've always been just alright - Her faint, yet so familiar voice said before the line went dead.

I felt surprisingly exhausted after that phone call. I felt like I had nothing else to say or do. Like I had no purpose when she wasn't within an arms reach from me. She was the electricity to my life support. God knows I'd die for her and without her.