Night Sky

25

I hope your day will be filled with love and happiness. You deserve all the positivity in life. Enjoy the read, fam 😍

It’s almost a month now since Jesse and the boys left for BTS’ US promotion and the US Leg of their world tour. While they were there, Namjoon never contacted me even once. Some of the boys however, does from time to time. They send me the American food they’ve been eating, the studios they’ve been filming from or just random pictures of what they were doing.

Sometimes, I get a glimpse of him reading a script in the background. Sometimes, Jimin asks him to send me a video message. But most of the time, I can see him with his phone in his hand. I know it’s asking for too much if I expect him to contact me. But I know with how much I’ve been putting him through, he’ll get tired eventually.

It was the night after their UN General Assembly appearance. Despite the time difference, I gained courage to send him a congratulatory message. The speech was circulating online and I can see how proud he is of his team. He’s in his element. He delivered a speech that resonates to everyone around the world and whoever was listening caught a glimpse of all the hard work they invested in being the best at what they do. I saw the man I’ve grown to admire. The same man I decided to reject because of how I selfish I am.

An hour or so after, I checked my phone for a response. I did see that he saw the text. I can’t say I wasn’t expecting anything, but there was a tightness in my chest that can’t seem to go away until the end of that day.

I was about to go to sleep when my phone rang. Jesse was video calling me. I got excited. It has been a while since she contacted me. Since the boys are very busy, as head PR of the team, especially for this tour, it’s not surprising that she doesn’t have a lot of time in her hands as well.

“Hey, girl!” Jesse enthusiastically greeted.

“Hey! How are you?” I replied with the same enthusiasm.

“Tired…but very happy! Did you see the boys? I’m so proud.” I smiled at her question. Of course, I’m proud. I can’t say I’m close to them as much as Jesse is, but still, this achievement is a huge deal. Being able to tell people your story and be an inspiration is something not all people has the privilege to do.

“I did. Well, not exactly when it came out. I was in class. But I did see it.” I replied.

“And?” I know what she’s asking. Namjoon was the one who delivered the speech. It was his story. The whole time I was listening to the speech, my heart was racing. I let a tear escape my eye when he talked about his dreams and I felt so proud when he mentioned how he overcame his struggles through music.

“It was beautiful, Jess. He did a great job.” I replied. I saw an empathetic smile graze Jesse’s features. From all the time that I’ve been struggling with my feelings, I never really had the chance to talk to Jesse about this. It might be because I don’t want to ruin how happy she is right now with Yoongi.

“Did you talk to him?” she inquired.

“I texted him congratulations. He didn’t respond, but it’s ok. I know you guys are busy.” I told her.

“We are. Especially the boys, it’s hard to tackle a world tour and the demands of interviews here and there. But they’re professionals. They can handle it.” She said with assurance. I nodded my head. I honestly don’t know what to say except for I miss him. I really do. It’s been hard ignoring the longing I feel for Namjoon. But I always remember how I don’t have the right to feel what I’m feeling when I’m constantly pushing him away.

“How about you? How are you? I miss you.” Jess said. I smiled at her sweetly. I know she feels guilty not being able to comfort me with what’s been going on. But Jesse deserves to be happy, she doesn’t deserve to get caught up in the drama I made for myself.