Up against the wall

Baby blues

My child,

you were born out of a hate, not for me or for you but the hate of a man looking for revenge on a wife that never cared, a family that never loved and a life he never asked for. A hurt that came to be worse than any, when he was ripped from what he believed and confided in. He was after relief from a world that he hated as much as it seemed to hate him. He looked for a romance but only found one night of falsities and a 20 missing from his wallet. He cared not for what he did and simply walked away

You were born of a woman looking for a wage in one night who found a romance in a customer, one who simply did not care. You were born of a modern lady turned whore by the force of a skewed social system. She meant nothing to anyone and felt the same to everyone else. She was both a therapy session and a service to one who in the end never cared. She fell in love for one who she thought had seen nearly as much as her. She fell too quickly and fell to the same public bathroom floor that she would find him in 4 years later. They both lost something there. 

I was born of a heart-break and a one-sided romance, with my final turning point being finding him on that floor that I had started to break on so many years before. I am not the same woman, although I am still nothing more than a worker and a server. The difference is I work not for myself to cover my many sights, but to give you what I never had and to keep our only memories alive...

He would have loved you like he never did me.

My darling I ask you to be nothing but ashamed of me, I was never meant for anything more than to be walked on, unlike you. You were made of gold and diamonds, you are one who I will ensure gets the chance to been seen by all she wishes. I will make sure that you above all know that you can and will be more than I. I will make sure that you never have to see the same things that I have. I will make sure that you will succeed at whatever you want. I will keep your every dream, hope and wish alive until the day that I die of whatever comes to me. 

When I ask you to be nothing but ashamed of me I also ask one thing, hate me, be disgusted by me and wish nothing but death upon me but don't cry over me, shed not one tear because I never asked for you to love me, I only loved you, and for everything I have ever been and ever will be, do not be like me.

I have never understood why I couldn't help your father, but I will not fail you in the same way...

Please be everything I couldn't be

XxSaint