Up against the wall

I'll lose my sunshine

I can feel it leaving... the happiness that I was so proud of for so long. I felt like I could smile at the wind an everything would be okay... I don't feel like that anymore. I wanted to wish for my friend's happiness and have the world work because I asked nicely. I thought that if I laughed at my pain then it wouldn't hurt as much. I tried to keep my positivity but it feels like it's being beat out of me by something that I avoided facing. So tell me what's going to happen, when it finally all runs out... Am I going to be cynical?, judgmental?, hateful? Am I going to throw curses to the wind and hope they hit someone who can still smile out of pure spite for what I was? Am I gonna learn hate? Throw my friends to the sea because I suddenly disregard anything that used to make me happy because I don't appreciate it anymore? Am I going to want to forget everything... The moments that only happen once and the people I promised that they wouldn't leave my heart. Am I going to fail the people I promised I would keep happy?

What happens when the people who are around me leave cause I'm not the same positive person that I strive to be? What happens when I loose my sunshine? My afterglow mindset?

What happens when I turn

grey?

-XxSaint