Up against the wall

A Thorn in the Side

Nothing is meant to be perfect, the same way nothing is meant to last forever. The things that you need to be around always seem to go the quickest, whereas the things you don't seem to stick. A thorn in the side to begin with... still, a wonder how instead of an infection, there was a rose that I would never hope to trim. Unfortunately, a flower cannot live off flesh and blood even though that's what you became. Now what's left is an exit wound from the broken branches finding their way through me only to come out the other side and abandon me.

It's always the ring that gives the box purpose, so when the ring is lost the box becomes cold, empty and useless and in turn gets thrown away, never to have the reunion with the thing that brings its purpose.

Glory doesn't last forever but I alone will ensure that your story lives on through the centuries, our adventures and mishaps will become those of legend. Legends for a little town of children searching for not a soulmate, but a person that is equal to their opposite; a sibling of moral, not of blood.

All good things must come to an end, and you were the greatest... Maybe that's why you had to leave so soon. What you didn't think of was the thing you left behind, a part without the rest. You left another sibling, you left me... Maybe looking at the pasty white moon reminds me of the purity that you insisted that you never had but everyone seemed to be able to see in you.

I miss my brother, I miss the evenings, the laughing over random shit, the sharing of dumb stories, the moral support and the unspoken yet undying loyalty that was displayed in the dumbest yet most vital ways. I searched for something I didn't need, instead, I found a sibling that I would have done anything to protect, A wingman sent from the gods (even if I never got anything from it). I have no regrets when it comes to you other than how I never got to tell you how much you meant to me. You bettered me, helped fix me and gave me the courage to help myself. No matter what happens you'll always be my brother, no falsities and no pretense.

I'm not going to lie to you, nothing is going to be the same without you, even if your memory is always here. I'll fool myself into believing you're still here only to walk on the street carrying of the stench and appearance of life turned null and void, yet to be washed away by the waters of acceptance, because acceptance means that you are really gone. I'll drink the love and tears bottled into the loss of others and myself. Every pill ever taken starts to burn in my chest creating a pain that I can only imagine you felt before you felt that you had to leave, the only difference is that mine is created by guilt. The only reason I don't cry is that you would have hated me for doing such a thing...

I'm not blaming you for leaving like so many others around me, as selfish as it sounds I know it's my fault; I wasn't there in time like I said I always would be...

You are one of the stars, an inspiration that I treat as an audience and a best friend, the very thing that I will sing to and above all recite these words too. If I'm lucky you might just hear me from your treetop view. I will never have a pill touch my lips no matter how much pain I am in... It was nothing compared to that of your last moments.

I wish I had said goodbye, I wish I had saved you, I wish I could have my brother with me, I wish I had my balance back, I wish that I wasn't screaming these wishes at you even though I know you'll never hear... I wish for you to be here because I don't know what I'll do without you.

XxSaint