Aftermath

Beyond the Wall

"Is everything alright little crow?" Tormund asked, but it seemed like Jon wasn't really there, his body was riding on a horse, but his mind was somewhere else and no matter what he said, Jon just didn't respond in any way. He was still thinking about her, about his queen, his queen that he stabbed 'for the safety of the realm', at least that is what he always tells himself to feel better, but in fact it doesn't help at all and it would make it even worse, because all he could see was her face when she felt the betrayal of the one she cared about the most, the only one she truly loved. "Dany.." he whispered to himself with glassy eyes and only a second later a pain in his left arm got him back into reality "There you go!" Tormund said "Still missing your queen?" as soon as Jon heard the words his eyes started to fill with tears, he couldn't say a word or he would start to cry "We can visit her one day, or she can visit you, I cannot breath down south! And hey, you didn't tell me why you left her in the first place!" he just wouldn't shut up, Jon thought to himself as Tormund continued talking and he was trying to keep it all together "Since we defeated the Dead you haven't told me anything, we need to talk little crow" "Yeah bec-" he stuttered, but Tormund interrupted him "You know what? We can talk with a good cup of sour goats milk at the camp tonight, maybe you're in a better mood than huh?" he gave him a slap on his shoulder and was gone before Jon could take another breath. Shortly after that he fell back into his thoughts and the feeling of guilt kicked back in and even though everyone was telling him it was right to do it, it just didn't seem right to him 'And right now it's not them freezing their ass off beyond the Wall am I right?!' he thought to himself as he started to ride away from the group, he just needed to be alone. Jon knew where they where heading so he could easily catch up on them, but another word from anyone would make him go crazy, it was in such moments when he really felt a bit of the fire inside him, he never knew what it was and now he does, wishing he never had known. It just destroyed everything, he could've still given her the love she deserved and needed, everything would be different, everything would be good, but he just couldn't do it, the honour of his 'father' was his blessing but also his greatest curse. And as much as he loved Sam, he wished he never told him 'Dany would still be alive without him' he said to himself as his eyes started to be filled with tears again. Jon rode faster and faster without noticing, trying to flee from things that he could never escape from, completely losing control of himself and the horse and the last thing he felt was him falling of the horse and hitting the ground.