Aftermath

Worries

As he entered the room he saw Dany sitting there, just staring into the fire, before he could say anything she already turned around "What did she wanted to talk about?" "You" "And did you told her?" "No, I promised it and I keep my promises" "But what do you talked about then, you were away for a while" "She still doesn't trust you" "Oh does she? I didn't noticed that" she sighed annoyed "What's the matter? I told her nothing about our baby, I just told her that I trust you and as she asked about what's up I refused to answer her, which made her trust me even less but I don't care, I care about us" "And now I'm supposed to believe that?" he nodded and started to get a bit nervous "Jon I don't trust her either and what she would do with this information, she'd probably see us as a threat again if she knew" "She won't and she'll find out anyway soon enough, I mean you can't hide a pregnancy forever" "If we leave we could" he looked at her confused "You're planning to leave soon, where do you want to go?" "Home" "This is my home, I trust those people, I grew up here" "But you're real home isn't here" "Dany I cannot go down south, I don't know if they would kill me" "So you want to stay here for the rest of your life?" he sighed "No of course not, but right now this is the safest place for me" "And what's the safest place for us?" "Here Dany, trust me" "I don't wanna hear you saying something about trust right now, you can trust no one, nobody can trust anyone in this world" "But we need to try at least, there is no use for words if we're just lying anyway. I trust you, like I trust Sansa or Sam or Davos" he paused as he thought about them, the people he cared about so much and now he's not even knowing what they're doing. "Can I leave you for a second?" he asked as he was already leaving, searching for a Maester. He needed to write them, but then he suddenly stopped 'What if they don't want me to, they all send me away without the blink of an eye' he hasn't talked to them since he killed her 'What if they despise me?' they didn't knew that he was back and he didn't knew if they would sue him for 'leaving the Night's Watch' so he just walked back to Dany 'Or maybe I'm just overreacting? I'm surely just overreacting, definitely just overreacting' "Where did we stop talking?" he said as he entered the room again still caught in his own thoughts, he saw her lips moving but didn't hear a thing "Sorry what I, I can't think right now" he sat down on his bed with his hands on his head "You worry too much Jon, you worry too much .. It's all alright, you're just having a little panic attack.." he said to himself, not being aware that Dany heard him clearly "Worry about what Jon?" it took him a moment to react "What? Oh nothing, it's nothing, I just.." he couldn't finish the sentence as now fears coming over him, not only about his 'friends' but about not being able to be a father, about telling Sansa the truth, just about everything "You just what" he stood up again as he had to move his feet "I just don't know if I can do this" "Hush Jon, calm down and tell me what's the matter, you cannot go off like this without any reason, you're making me worried" he looked at her "No.. nothing you need to worry about, really nothing" Jon said as he forced a smile "Didn't you just held a preach about honesty and how we should trust each other?" he nodded, took a deep breath and looked her right into the eyes "Dany I think I'm not ready to become a father, I cannot even take care of myself right now, how can I take care of another little human being? It's all I ever wanted, but you coming back suddenly and telling me this, this is too much information right now. I mean I killed you and got exiled by my own brother, only to come back and see you again, just when I was thinking I've got nothing left anymore you were standing right infront of me. I never thought to find myself in a situation like this, I was raised as a bastard and send to the wall knowing that I'll never have a family of my own, but got released from my oath as I got killed and came back to life and when I met you shortly after that it was-" he didn't breath while he was talking and started to hyperventilate "Jon!" she interrupted him that he could finally catch some breath "You truly worry to much" she said smiling as Jon was breathing heavily "I really do" he said smiling back at her, then he softly took her face with both of his hands "Thank the gods you're back, I don't know what I'd do without you". They spend the night together and Jon forgot about his worries for a while, but he couldn't sleep that night, there was still too much he needed to worry about.