Aftermath

Clearing Conversation

After the feast they went back to their room, both felt this tension between them all night so as soon as the door closed behind them they fell for each other again, sharing an incredible night together. But as they woke up the next morning it felt weird, to both of them, they still needed to talk about things but instead they avoided each other until they needed each other so much that there wasn't much talking. "We cannot continue like this forever you know?" Jon suddenly said "What do you mean ?" "You know what I mean, for example that letter. You said you haven't forgave me yet, but we're still here, kissing and loving each other like nothing's wrong" he paused to sigh "It's not that I don't want that, it's the only thing I want, but not like that, it just feels.. wrong. We sleep with each other and then spend the rest of the week with not even talking, then we cannot resist it anymore and sleep with each other again, all that in repeat" she was silent as she took in what he just said, in that letter it all seemed so easy to write down, but to actually get through with this was harder than she wanted to admit. "We really need to work this out do we?" he nodded "The sooner the better, the longer we continue pushing it away the worse it will get and maybe.. maybe it'll be too late one day to fix it, and I don't want that to happen.." "No it's true, it gets worse by the day, I guess we both feel that" they looked each other in the eyes, both seeing a mirror of their soul right now, but in a very uncomfortable way. It was in a way where they both saw the fear, the sadness, the issues between them, all that shit things in this relationship, but also the love that seemed to keep it all together. A tear rolled down her cheek "And we haven't even started talking yet" she said to herself as she wiped the tear off her face and tried to stop herself from crying. He pulled her close to his chest as they were still sitting on their bed just keeping her close "That's not gonna make it any easier you know?" she said to him but he just held her as she now started to rest on his body "No one said this will be easy" he then began to talk "But we thought defeating dead people would be impossible as well and in the end we did it together." "Jon I know, but this is an entirely different scenario, you cannot compare fighting for your life, for your actual survival, with loving someone and having relationship and trust issues" "I wasn't finished yet, but you can compare it, not in a way you might think but.. when you truly love someone, that other person becomes your whole life and fighting for that love is like fighting for your life. When I killed you I had nothing left to live in this world, my reason to live was taken from me and I was just about to exist, not caring if I live another day or not. My whole world fell apart in a way I've never felt it before, I felt empty, like my heart was actually broken into a million pieces. No I cannot compare that to you, I cannot imagine how this must've felt and I regret it every day of my life, forever will, even though you're back now. And the worst part of it wasn't even that, it was the fact that I knew that it was entirely my fault, I didn't needed to do this, I never wanted to do it, but I did it because I was told it was the best for everyone when it wasn't" he paused as he felt the tears on his chest where she was still laying on as he held his monologue "I'm sorry, I didn't wanted to make you cry.." she lifted her head and wiped the tears away again "No, no, it's.. it's alright, we need to do this" "Are you sure?" she nodded "I am sure, you said we needed to do this sooner or later and when we do it later it'll just get even worse than it is right now"  they both still lay down on their bed, still undressed from last night, so they decided to first dress themselves to avoid any other temptations and sat down on the bedside. "Okay let's do this" she hesitated to answer "But how? I know we both want to fix this, but I don't know know how to start or where to go with this" he thought about it for a moment "What about you just starting to tell me everything that's on your mind about me right now, I'll listen and we start with solving these issues" "You make it sound so easy.. I don't get how this will work out after I tell you everything" "We'll find out about that then do we ? But we need to start somewhere and saying everything might get it out of your mind in a way" she nodded "Okay let's do this"