In love // GD

48

It's been a week since me and Grayson took a "break" aka broke up. I haven't left my house. I've stayed in bed. I haven't posted on any social media platform. I don't have the energy to. It's crazy how reliant you become on someone when you are with them everyday for 6 months. Friends have tried to text and call, I don't reply. Emma came to my apartment a few days ago but I asked her to leave. I don't want to see anyone. I wrote and wrote. It is the only coping method I know. I decided to sing one for my YouTube channel Because why not. Everyone is going to be able to decode it but fuck it. I didn't bother making myself look like I am ok. I want Grayson to see this and see that I actually did love him, I guess the feeling wasn't mutual though. I keep telling myself he doesn't love me and I need to move on. But it's not as easy as one would hope. I set up my camera on my bed and turned my room lights to pink. I grabbed my ukulele and took a deep breathe.I didn't do an intro, I just began to sing
(Song: I love you by Billie Eilish)
It's not true
Tell me I've been lied to
Crying isn't like you
Oh-oh-oh
What the hell did I do?
Never been the type to
Let someone see right through
Oh-oh-oh
I sang staring into nothing. But just thinking as I strummed
Maybe won't you take it back
Say you were tryna make me laugh
And nothing has to change today
You didn't mean to say "I love you"
I love you and I don't want to
Oh-oh-oh
My voice cracked when I sang the last line. I shook it off and continued.
I sang the song and by the last part tears were streaming down my cheeks
We fall apart as it gets dark
I'm in your arms in Central Park
There's nothing you could do or say
I can't escape the way, I love you
I don't want to, but I love you
I whispered the last line not wanting be able to fully sing it considering I was full on crying now. I turned the camera off and laid back down. I just stared at the ceiling. I got back up and posted the video, not thinking twice about it. Comments flooded in saying they were concerned.
—
Comments
Fan1 you can see the pain in her eyes
Fan2 I'm fucking bawling my eyes out rn holy shit
Fan3 just goes to show not every relationship is as perfect as it looks online.
Fan4 if Grayson did this imma kill him
Fan5 rip gria then.
Fan6 the cracks in her voice were heartbreaking. I love you Mia
Fan7 this is why she hasn't posted all week. She looks broken inside.
—
I read through them. It's the response I was expecting. I close out of YouTube and played some music to drown out my thoughts. I played depressing breakup songs and snuggled into my comforter. I heard my front door open and close. Guess I'm loosing my mind too. Soon enough I heard steps coming up my stairs. I continued to just lay there. Not caring if someone was actually in my house right now.
"Mia.." a familiar voice said. I turned my head and saw Ethan standing in my doorway. I tuned back around
"How May I help you?" I asked monotoned
"When is the last time you got up?" He asked sitting on my bed.
"An hour ago to pee. Why are you here?"I said sitting up.
"To get you out of the house and back into the arms of your soulmate." He said trying to pull me out of bed.
"No fuck him." I said pulling away.
"Mia both of you haven't moved in a week. You don't know how to function without each other. This fight is stupid." He said slightly shouting.
"He didn't want to work this out. He wanted to leave." I said starting to cry again.
"And now he is sitting in his room crying and listening to you sing," He said "please just come over." I wanted to see him. I really did. But at this point I'm not the one to apologize. He won't come to
Me though so well I guess I'm leaving my house. I got up and changed into an oversized hoodie and Nike pros.
"Let's go" I said to ethan. He smiled and grabbed his car keys.