31 days in MAY

Ice Breaker

The past holds stories
Like an unfortunate ex.
Some hopeful,
Some crazy.
Some beautiful
And some hazy.

We've taken the time
To move past the days we now hide.
We've worked
To build over
Ruins and rubble.

Can you tell me that
This–
This is what I still deal with–
These doors
I might need to reseal now.
Cause everytime a memory peals
It shatters me from within
Like a hurricane,
Like a storm-
Ravaging,
With destruction in its wake.

And I'll tell you honestly
I am trying
To move forward.
But one stupid thought
Buried under years of therapy,
Under years of convincing myself
It doesn't matter
Where they mistreated you.
That does not determine your worth.
You determine your worth.
But you aren't listening anymore.
You have plunged into seas
Deeper than you remember them.
Seas you'd ignored.
Seas you thought had evaporated.
But they'd only frozen over
And you walked over a weak spot-
A fault in the ice.

The water is cold here.
Wild.
Raging with emotions.
Every thought that ever
Touched you.
You are drowning
In the things you ignored.
You pretended you worked through them.
But you simply avoided them.
Avoided it all.

But there's no running.
It's too cold.
You're too fragile.
The ice might freeze over head.
You might freeze,
Turn ice hard.
But you don't have to.
You just have to break through it now.
Break through the ice.
While it's thin,
Even though you're weak
And cold
And feel so fucking alone.
Try.
And you will find it warmer
Tomorrow.

~A