a roses thorn

Chapter One

*4 Years 8 Months Later*

I woke up to Kelia crying in my doorway. You would think after almost six years of having a child you'd get used to waking up in the middle of the night from a small human balling their eyes out but it just never sticks.

Rookie mistake number one.

"What's wrong, sweetie? Another bad dream?" I rubbed my eyes.

She nodded as she continued crying with her teddy bear in her hands.

"Come on, baby. You can sleep with me tonight." I tapped the bed with my hand.

"Thanks mommy." She walked over to my bed and held her arms out for me to pick her up.

"Was the bad dream about daddy again?" I laid her down on her side in front of me and started rubbing her head lightly. She loved having her hair played with especially when she had a bad dream.

She nodded again, only wiping her tears this time. "I miss him."

"Me too, baby. Me too." I cringed at the thought of Matty. Not only do I rarely talk about him except with immediate family and Kelia only, but people never stopped asking me about him. And it fucking stung.

"Is he ever going to come home?" her voice trembled.

"I don't know anymore, Kelia. But we got this right?" I pulled her shoulder lightly so she could face me.

"I love you mommy." She kissed my cheek.

"I love you, too." I kissed her cheek, "Lets get to bed. Mommy's got to work early and you've got school."

"Okay, mommy." She closed her eyes and snuggled her way into my chest.

There isn't a day that Matty doesn't cross my mind. Even though I thought we would never fall off, we fell off. And I know it's not his fault at all, but I don't even know if he's alive anymore.

I haven't had any contact with him in almost five years, after that phone call that one night where he talked for hours I hadn't heard from him since then. His letters stopped, his gifts stopped, his flowers every Monday, everything stopped. Including all contact to everyone else and same goes for Sammy.

They both even managed to stop getting in contact with their children.

As much as I despise him for leaving me alone, I still love him and everything about him. I wish we could've worked things out, but I needed to do the right thing for not only myself but my daughter, too. And moving on was the best thing to do.

At the end of the day, it always comes down to my daughters well being and I'll throw anything away for her.

***

I woke up to my alarm going off right beside my ear. I must've fallen asleep looking at Matty's and my pictures from when we were together. Our picture was on the opening screen, unfortunately.

I looked down to see Kelia sleeping peacefully in my arms and it was taking all my night and will to not just call into work sick and keep her home for the day. It breaks my heart when she has bad dreams about Matty.

Even though she doesn't remember him, she still remembers him. I don't understand it.

"It's time to wake up princess." I kissed her cheek.

"No not today! I can't do this!" She pouted as she covered her head with my comforter.

"Leave it to my child to be the most stressed one in the house." I giggled at my joke. "Come on Princess, it's time to get ready for school. Jenny made you a new outfit."