exhale

mess up

i messed up again today.

i thought too hard. i got too upset. i broke down too much.

i sat on the tile of the bathroom floor but didn't feel how cold it was. i watched as ants crawled up and bit me but didn't feel their sting.

all i could feel was my world crumbling as soon as i thought i had built it back up.

she plead for me to stay and he watched me cry. i tried to get away but the followed me until i almost crashed and had no more energy to keep running.

i kept her locked out until i pulled it together enough to unlock the door. she immediately climbed inside and held me so i'd stop hurting myself.

she wouldn't leave.

i don't know why she stayed but she did. instead of chasing me, he waited patiently and came back instead of putting himself in danger. i tried to leave and he stopped me again. they don't believe when i say i'm okay.

i guess they know better.

i didn't mean to take it so far. i didn't mean to slip up so much. it was just a little mess up. usually i can keep it under control. i didn't mean to show them.

i didn't mean to mess up again.