exhale

better

i was doing better.

i have actually found something to be excited about. i can't recall the last time i was this happy and hopeful about something.

it all came crashing down within one conversation.

he asked if i was feeling better but only because he doesn't want another "episode" from me. the last one was too much of a "buzzkill."

others are built up and supported because of their mental health, but i'm constantly being torn down and belittle because of mine.

i try to be strong and i try to be better. i was better. i wasn't okay but i was better. i messed up and i was fixing it, only to have it thrown in my face by someone i've looked up to for four years.

i really was doing better and now look at me.

i was doing better.