fangirl | han jisung

> [ 75 ]

[ j i s u n g ]

i ran and ran, countless of thoughts and realization clouding my head every second that has been passing. i didn't mind the droplets of the rain that was coming contact on my whichever exposed skin- all i can ever think of is her.

shit- did she bring an umbrella with her? it's about to rain, i hope i'll get there in time.

yeisha, i'm sorry for only realizing my feelings for till now. i never wanted to fall inlove again since i got badly hurt from the last time. but-i realized that what i did was wrong, i should've never generalized women. i should've never felt afraid of falling for you when i still had the chance.

i'm sorry, please. please, i hope i'm still not yet too late.

the cold wind met my bare face, i wasn't wearing a face mask to hide my identity nor a cap or a hoodie- i want to meet her as me, han jisung- not a kpop idol but a boy who have fallen inlove with her beautiful soul.

and i just hope that things will get to be fixed soon, i hope that i'm not too late.

this is the last and only chance i can make her mine, i can't let go of her again- not twice or thrice, i will never, not again.

the park was slowly coming into view as the breeze got more aggressive, slapping me in the face with it's chilly coldness; this will be my slap of reality.

yeisha, please be there, please.

my eyes lit up when i saw a silhouette of a woman-maybe, it's her!

the girl has her back to me so i couldn't really see her face but looking at her hair, there is no doubt- it's her, yeisha.

"yeisha-"

"han jisung."

my words were cut off by her, a single mention of my name and my legs feel like giving out at an moment. but her voice was different, her tone too. what happened? am i too late?

yeisha turned to face me, her lips holding a small smile as her eyes looked up to meet mine- but there was something that were lacking her hues.

"this is the last time."

the sparkle.

the light, the happiness. the excitement whenever her orbs would met mine nor even the glee-it was all gone. it was nothing but replaced with a shallow pair of chocolate eyes that used to bore into mine to stare at me for a long time.

"so, i guess, i was too late after all."

i let out a bitter chuckle, gulping down the thing that's been choking me for a while now. yeisha hasn't said another thing except for my name, just a word- and i'll know where should i be put.

"yeah."

a crack.

the start of the breaking of my heart- the pieces falling on the floor one by one as i continue to hear what she's going to say.

i know, there's a big possibility for me to never be able to change her mind.

i know that i'm too late for this.

i know that i don't stand a chance anymore.

but god, it did fucking hurt.

"so this was really i-it?" my voice cracked at the end as i sobbed uncontrollably, my hands shaking as i balled them into fists. yeisha didn't answered, not even a hum nor a nod.

silence.

is everything that enveloped us.

and it did hurt, because we never have any room for the word silence before.

but now..

"it's a goodbye, huh, yeisha?"

i bitterly smiled, looking up at her through hooded teary eyes- but my eyes never met mine because she wasn't looking at me.

i guess, my eyes will never met her's ever again.

"it is."

two words.

two words, but i was actually happy hearing her voice.

"i'm sorry but.."

she snapped her head upwards, meeting my gaze and holding it with her intense and firm one.

"you're not my bias anymore, han jisung."

i smiled, of course. of course, it wasn't me anymore.

i deserve this, i guess. but yeisha, i hope she won't leave m-

"and i'm not your fangirl anymore."