fangirl | han jisung

last

fangirl's last chapter

third person

the world stopped.

jisung's breathing hitched.

his brown eyes widened.

stared at her dark ones.

mouth agape.

heart questioning everything.

was this really the end? he wanted to ask her.

he wanted to scream, to cry, to try and stop her.

he wanted to tell her that she is being unfair.

unfair to him, unfair to the both of themselves.

he knew that she is hurting by this yet why is she still continuing? he wanted to ask why is she doing this.

ah.

he cannot ask her those because it was him who have been unfair ever since the start.

he lead her on even though he knew that it was forbidden for idols to interact with fans privately.

he introduced himself and met her personally, eventually grew close with her and been her friend.

he hurt her feelings by denying his all the way until he realized the bullshit he was putting up.

he was unfair to her all this time, after all.

yet, why does it felt like this is too much?

he doesn't want for her to leave him.

all alone, back to his old self.

why was he denying his feelings for her in the first place?

perhaps, he doesn't like her?

no, it can't be.

he was surely living in dreamland with yeisha, imagining what life would be if only he isn't a coward douchebag.

so why?

is it too hard to accept that a mere excuse was all he was using all this time to deny how he felt the same way as her?

too idiotic.

stupid.

unreasonable.

yet, he wanted to be forgiven.

he knew what he have done.

he knew that there's probably no way out.

out to feel her touch, again.

out to hear her voice call his name, again.

out to call her his fangirl, again.

out to be with yeisha, ever again.

the silence ate them both as they stood erect, gazes were held together; thinking that this might be their very last time looking and gazing at each other.