Making It (On Hold Indefinitely)

2.9

2.9

I stay until there are no more tears left to cry. I stay until my cheeks dry and my throat no longer hurts. Then I press my fingers to my lips and with a shaky hand, I press the kiss to my mother's name. My eyes burn like they want to cry again but the feeling blows away in the wind the second I stand to my feet. I brush off my shins and knees before squaring my shoulders and making my way back to the car.

When I enter the vehicle, dropping my exhausted body into the back seat, all heads turn in my direction. The air sits stiff and they wait for me to say something— anything —but I just turn and look out the window. We sit for a few seconds too long and I turn to look at my dad.

"Are we going?" My voice croaks in the dry rawness of my throat. Cassidy rests her hand over mine and I resist the urge to pull away as she curls her fingers around mine. She was just trying to help.

"I actually wanted to take Blaire and Cassidy to see your mother." My dad lifts his head to look at me in the rearview and I catch his eyes. There's a bit of guilt in his eyes, like he didn't have the right to take them up there. But he did. She used to be his wife and Blaire's friend. If they wanted to go see her headstone then she could. "If that's okay with you— but if you want to leave we can leave." I immediately start to shake my head.

"You guys can go, I'll just stay here." I force myself to smile as I get comfortable in my seat. Though I know it looks as fake and as sad as it felt.

"Okay." His voice is soft and very slowly they all start to remove their seatbelts. As if they were waiting for me to change my mind. When I prove to say nothing they all exit the car and when the doors shut I release my breath.

• — • — • — •

I don't remember falling asleep, but I do remember waking up. There was a soft breeze that brushed against my cheeks before I was greeted by a familiar hand. Then the smell of Irish spring soap invaded my senses and my eyes instantly fluttered open.

Taylor smiles at me before placing a soft kiss on the tip of my nose and reaching across my body to remove my seatbelt. I sit myself up and move to wipe the sleep from my eyes with the heels of my hand. I help Taylor pull my seatbelt back across my body and then stretch out my limbs. When my eyes finally focus I notice that Cassidy is absent from the car but my dad and Blaire are still strapped into their seats.

"Are you guys not coming?" My stomach twists as I shift my eyes between them. I wanted my parents to celebrate my birthday with me, even if it wasn't actually my birthday. They both shake their heads.

"No, we're a bit too old for the party scene," Blaire laughs with a gentle smile. "But we're taking you out to breakfast tomorrow morning, so don't party too hard okay?" She reaches over the middle console and gives my knee a firm squeeze. I nod my head.

"Plus, I rather not see my daughters engaged in drinking games. It's bad enough that I have to know about it," my father sighs, massaging the bridge of his nose with his fingers. "All I ask is that someone keeps an eye out on your sister."

"Austin promised to make sure she doesn't get too carried away," Taylor replies, still bent into the car. My father doesn't seem to relax in the slightest but he nods his head in agreement.

"Okay," I mumble, feeling a bit down and motioning for Taylor to move out the way. He shuffles out the car and I slowly make my way after him. "I'll see you tomorrow morning." I lean forward and place a gentle kiss on my father's cheek before moving to give Blaire a hug and a quick kiss on her cheek as well.

"See you in the morning!" They say in unison as I fully leave the car and shut the door behind me. I turn to wave at them goodbye before allowing Taylor to guide me into the house.