Her

: : Part XXIX : :

: : Part XXIX : :

***Caution this chapter contains swearing***

Recap:

Avery looked at you, and paused, debating something. “When I offered my help to you and Benson earlier this month, I thought that it wouldn’t end well. That you would date and it would be beautiful… it would be enchanting for other people. But one of you, probably you, would cheat on a drunken endeavour and the other would find out and you’d peel apart. But, now, I think, she is a bloody idiot if she doesn’t see it. See how madly and deeply and purely you love her. You don’t want a one night stand or a causal relationship. You want her every night, every day; you want every part of her, even the not so pretty parts. And love them, and cherish them.” You look at Avery and smile, you were about to reply when repeated banging over took the room.

*****

Avery’s body was pressed up against yours, and you didn’t feel anything. It wasn’t like she wasn’t beautiful, because she was. She just wasn’t Sienna. And you realised, that no woman, no matter how perfect, how beautiful, would never be enough… because of one simple fact- she wasn’t Sienna.

Benson chatted easily to you and Avery, while she patted a damp wash cloth on your bruising. You offered to do it yourself but she wanted to do it. She apologized multiple times while you lay there, but you refused to take her apology. It was just a waste of time and effort.

The banging that emerged itself in the small dorm room minutes ago left. It didn’t take a genius to figure out who was creating the noise.

“She just needs time,” Avery whispered to you and you nod.

The banging started again…

Avery and Benson looked at you. And again, you nod. “Let her in.”

Benson walked over to the door and opened it slightly shielding yourself and Avery. Avery got up from next to you and put the wash cloth in the bathroom, staying there for a moment. She wasn’t scared exactly, but when Sienna got angry she became destructive and Avery must’ve known that. Hiding is the best option, apart from you couldn’t she was mad at you.

“Well, hello Sienna, how are you?” Benson chirped.

He was met with a glare. “I need to talk to Carson.” She all but snapped at him.

From the small distance you had on her you took her in. Although she was angry, snapping at Benson, and about to cause you a lot of heart ache-you could tell- she was beautiful, radiant even.

Her hair was brushed and pulled to the front, falling down past her elbows. Her eyes, the deepest blue you have ever seen them. She wore a pale blue white polka dot dress, it was pulled in at her waist and flared out and stopped a little higher than her knees. Her feet were covered in plain black flats. Your eyes wondered up and down and then back up her body. Her mouth was going crazy, but you heard nothing, you only saw her. You understood her anger, but you were hurting… you could’ve had her.

You could’ve had her.

You might’ve had her.

Her gaze landed on you, and you were pulled back to reality.

“Carson.” She whispered; her gaze could burn through metal. And then, in that second, in that nanosecond, in that brief moment of time, you let your pain surface, you were going to dish all of it- all of your pain- right back to her.

“Sienna.” You nodded and Benson, and he opened the door and let the cyclone {A/N cyclone; another term for tropical storm} in. Avery walked out of the bathroom and went to Benson’s side, he pulled her to him and didn’t let go. She whispered into his ear and he held her tighter. “Maybe you two should go.” You told Avery and Benson, he nodded and offered you a smile.

“No! They are a part of this.” Sienna snapped.

“No they aren’t.” She was damaging and you wanted to minimise the causalities.

She relented. Benson and Avery took the opportunity and left. “Pathetic.”

You crossed your arms around your chest. “What’s pathetic? Which friend? Avery, the best friend, or maybe Benson? Which one is pathetic?” Silence. “Which one?”

“You.”

More silence. “How am I pathetic?”

“You act all nobel, you spend all your time on a fucking high horse. You think that you are the best person in the world and you deserve better than you are likely to get. But the reality of it is… you aren’t ever going to be happy. You are so narrow minded, you can’t except the fact that now I am older, I am going to kiss men and do a lot more with them. You have to decide whether you are my protector or friend. You can’t just punch people because they expressed some interest in me. I’m not your little sister.” Her tone evened out and her anger was decreasing.

“That’s right you’re not my little sister… because I don’t kiss my family like that.”

“Can we not talk about that,” she sighed, “please?”

“Why? Touchy subject? Or is it simpler than that… Maybe you don’t want your boyfriend to find out you kissed me.” You said bitterly.

“He isn’t my boyfriend… he is a friend from my psych class. His name’s Dylan.”

“Really, that’s what you took from that?”

“What else am I supposed to take from it?”

“I don’t know… maybe the fact that I am the only one talking about the kiss.”

“That kiss shouldn’t’ve happened. It was a mistake, a big, big mistake.”

“How can you say that?” You questioned.

“The rule is, if you can’t tell someone about it… it’s wrong. I can’t tell Alex about it, hence this,” she motioned between you and her, “isn’t right, it isn’t normal. It’s a mistake.” Pause. “Have you never made a mistake?”

“Oh, no, I’ve made mistakes, many of them. But that kiss… it wasn’t one of them.”