Till the End|MCU|3

four

I wake violently with a gasp. Practically shaking, I slide out of the bed. 

Captain Rogers gave me an extra room for Steven and me to stay in. It's completely different from my chambers back in Wakanda. 

Back home my chambers smelt like lavender and the warm breeze outside, and in certain spots like something burnt from where Shuri accidentally made something explode. Back home I had my bed and my desk and my little sofa and my pictures and all my other possessions. Here the room smells musty and unused. The only furniture is the bed, a dresser, a wardrobe, and a desk.

To say it's not home would be an understatement.

I glance down at the spot next to me. Steven's little form could be seen in the dark, finally fast asleep. I discovered that he likes to sleep in my bed instead of the car seat. I had to move the bed closer to the wall to make sure he didn't fall off. But I do have to say, that little monkey is a bed hog.

I slip out the door and venture down the hall quietly to the kitchen area. I need something to keep me awake.

For the past couple of days, I've been having the same horrible nightmare.

Well, it's not even a nightmare per-say. It's more of a vision. A vision from my least favorite Asgardian Goddess.

Shuffling into the kitchen area, I make a beeline straight for the coffee maker. 

"And what are you doing up so late?" A deep voice calls out in the dark as I pour myself a cup. Black, like the skies outside. Shuri used to say 'black like my soul' but let's be honest, my soul isn't that dark.

I don't have to turn to see who it is. After the last couple of days, I've gotten familiar with the sound of everyone's voice, the noises they make when they move, how each footstep sounds on the tiled ground. It's as familiar to me as the sounds of Wakanda.

So, I know that it's Thor who's standing behind me. 

"I could say the same to you." I murmur, not looking up to face him. I take a sip and pull myself up onto the counter. "Want a cup?" I ask, taking another sip.

Thor just shakes his head as he walks around the island in front of me. He leans back as he watches me take another sip. "You do not look well, Kidara."

My mind instantly goes to make a snide comment about him, but I think better of it.

This is Thor, he may look large and threatening but in reality, he's like a loveable dog.

So, I know he's not trying to make fun of me, he's just really concerned. "I... I can't sleep." I admit, looking down at my mug. "I've been having... nightmares you would say."

Thor just nods his head. "It is normal for worriers to have visions of past battles. I have had such visions myself."

"You mean PTSD?" I ask. I begin to shake my head, knowing where he's going with this. "No, I've had PTSD. I probably have PTSD now for that matter. But this isn't it." I take a deep breath, leaning my head against the cool cabinets. If I'm going to tell somebody, it might as well be the person that knew her. "It's... Sigyn."

Thor raises an eyebrow, still watching me.

I take another deep breath as I glance off to the side. "During the fight with Thanos, I hit my head, blacked out for a bit, probably got a concussion. But while I was out, Sigyn told me the real reason she bonded with me, to get back to Loki. But now he's..."

"Dead." Thor finishes as I trail off.

I nod my head before continuing. "And now Sigyn is stuck in my head." I take another breath as the familiar feeling of tears prickling my eyes return. "Ever since, Sigyn's been trying to convince me to kill myself."

I glance up at Thor as I wipe my nose. He just watches me with his sympathetic gold and blue eyes. I hate that look, that sympathetic look. I'm tired of feeling everyone's sympathy. 

I make eye contact with him before continuing. "She says if I don't do it, she will."

Thor's eyebrow knit together. "What do you mean?"

"I mean she will take control of my body - something she was originally planning to do - and kill me. Just to join Loki." I feel a tear trail down my face. I don't move to wipe it away, letting it fall onto my lap. "She's already tried, twice."

"What happened?"

"Nothing, thankfully. Rocket," I say, grateful for the crazy raccoon. "He was able to stop her before anything serious happened. I had to explain to him what was going on with me. But now he's worried. Constantly trying to keep an eye on me."

Thor nods his head in approval. "He's a smart one, that rabbit."

I lift my head and look at Thor in confusion. "Rabbit? Thor, Rocket's a raccoon."

Thor just shrugs his shoulders absentmindedly. The worry returns to his eyes as he looks at me. "What are you going to do now? About Sigyn."

I give a defeated sigh, resting my head against the cabinets again. "I don't know," I say honestly. "Try and get as much sleep as I can before she kills me? Keep drinking coffee? There's nothing really to do about her."

Thor just nods his head, understanding the struggle I'm going through.

For the remainder of the night, we just sit there. Me just drinking my coffee and Thor watching me. We don't talk, we don't do anything.

We just sit there.