Tumblr girls (camren)

Chapter 6

“No”

“No?”

“Yes”

“What?”

“Camila!”

“Lauren!”

Camila can feel her heart shatter into a million tiny pieces as Lauren shakes her head, pulling away from the taller girl slightly when a stabbing pain shoots through her chest powerfully.

Her breath catches in her throat and tears begin to brim in the corners of her eyes whilst the rejection she had feared continuously replays in her head.

She attempts the force the tears away and not give Lauren the satisfaction of seeing just how much she is hurt by being turned down from her.

The older girl moves closer and attempts to embrace the now trembling girl in her arms but her chest aches even more when Camila pushes her away from her forcefully.

The girl grips Camila’s shirt, trying to keep her from running away. “Camz - Camila let me explain to you please” Lauren pleadingly begs her with desperation laced in her voice and thick tears stream down her face as they do Camila’s.

The brown eyed girl wants nothing more than to push Lauren away from her and run away, but the look in the green eyes that she has learned to admire so much keep her from doing so.

She wipes at her tears and knows in her heart that she would end up regretting it deeply if she doesn’t listen to Lauren.

She raises her eyebrows in acknowledgement to Lauren and the girl lets out a breath as she attempts to calm herself down. “I want a relationship with you - I really do, but we are moving way too fast and I am afraid that will just eventually end up ruining us because we’re not ready” Lauren whispers softly, trying so hard to get Camila to visualize her fears and see why she didn’t jump at the opportunity to be with her.

“We just met tonight for the first time in real life. I want to experience each other and our personalities for real before jumping into something with you that could make me loose you. Eventually I would love to be your girlfriend, but not right now” Lauren says and Camila understands.

Camila gets it, she really does but that doesn’t stop her from feeling embarrassed and humiliated for what just went down between them. 

Her heart race calms down enough to get her breathing back to normal speed and she takes a deep breath before licking her lips that had now dried because of all of her salty tears. 

Lauren sees the conflicted look on Camila’s face as she avoids eye contact with her, the brown eyes looking anywhere other than her and she moves to pull the girl into a tight hug knowing that she has no idea what to do in this situation.

“Lets start off by being friends, ok?
We can get to know each other personally now without a phone or a computer between us and then we can slowly develop our relationship when we both feel ready for it” she suggests and hopes that Camila agrees.

If she doesn’t then she honestly has no idea what she would do.  Lauren wasn’t lying when she said she does want a relationship with Camila but just not yet.

She doesn’t want the relationship to be pressured because they’ve heavily jumped into it without thinking beforehand.

She wants to get to know Camila and experience what her life is like before they completely give themselves to one another.

She wants to understand Camila on a deeper level and see with her own eyes what goes on with her. 

She waits with rapidly decreasing patience as Camila seems to be thinking over her choices and what she would do if she disagreed to the girls suggestions.

She could say no and loose Lauren completely, not having her as even a friend and possibly future girlfriend when the time is right or she could agree and have herself soaked up entirely in a Lauren consumed bubble.

The second one definitely sounds more appealing to her, not knowing if she would even manage to stay sane if she was ever to loose Lauren.

Camila speaks up willingly after a couple of minutes in silence. “I guess that sounds fair. So…do you want to come back to my place for the night since it is like around the corner and it is extremely dark outside?” she asks Lauren hopefully, biting her lip as the question rolls from her mouth cautiously; she doesn’t want to be rejected again.

The green-eyed girl laughs at her awkwardness and rolls her eyes because Camila would always be Camila to her and she doesn’t think that the younger girl understands that yet.

“Come on stupid, you really think that I would pass up the opportunity to spend the night with you?” she questions and Camila shrugs her shoulders as the two of them begin to walk down the streets towards Camila’s house.

Lauren begins to sense the girls nerves when they are a couple of houses away but chooses to say nothing of it, not wanting to push the girl into opening up the her when they have practically only just met in reality.

But then Camila starts to shake and she can no longer hide her concern as they stop before a large house, that in any other situation Lauren would probably faint at the sight of but Camila is obviously
distressed and needs her right now.

“Camz? Look, everything is going to be fine, ok? You can talk to me about anything and I am going to be here for you throughout it all” she speaks honestly.

Those simple, but reassuring words mean more than Lauren could ever possibly imagine to Camila as the girl calms herself and leads Lauren inside her house.

She freezes in the hallway, waiting for any kind of indication that her adoptive parents are going to come and scold her.

After a few moments, it is still silent and she motions for Lauren to follow her upstairs quietly after locking the doors. She frowns when she notices the note on her bed.
‘Took a trip with Sofi for a few weeks. Money is on the counter by the fridge’ 

Camila rolls her eyes and scrunches the note up into a ball angrily, she should of already known.

Lauren just stares at her, not comprehending what just happened.
Camila turns to her,

“They left again” she says simply and Lauren immediately understands what she means by that, having already been told all about Camila’s adoptive parents and how they are always packing up and leaving her for weeks. 

A tear runs down her cheek and Lauren
is holding her within seconds. 

“Why don’t they love me?“ Camila asks, burying her face into Lauren’s
chest as she cries silently. 

Lauren holds the girl closely, making her feel not so alone anymore for the first time in her entire life.