Tumblr girls (camren)

Chapter 11

Camila allows her tears to fall as her hands gently graze across the writing that is faded on the old gravestone before her.

Being back here, coming back to visit this tormenting and painful place consumes her body in a ridiculous amount of memories from her past and how she ended up with the life she has.

Her stomach churns, turning and squeezing inside uncaring of how much it could possibly bring her any kind of hurting.

Her heart strains almost unbearably, possibly skipping beats due to her now heavy breathing and struggle to gasp for the correct amount of air that her body craves.

Coming back here seemed like a good idea, she thought this is what she required to move on and let go of those memories that are repeatedly playing on a continuous loop in her mind.

However actually being here results in those moments in her past to become louder and clearer in her head, threatening to send her into another emotional breakdown.

Her legs cave in beneath her and she falls to her knees weakly, her hands gripping forcefully at the mud that is placed around her.

Her body tremors uncontrollably, distressed cries and weeps for help and somebody to acknowledge her pain escape from her mouth.  

Her brown eyes squint as she makes an effort to force away her tears, failing miserably and triggering her to become even more upset.

Camila opens her mouth, wanting to let out everything she has allowed to build up inside of her over the previous 6 years. “Mommy…” she whispers, her voice hoarse and containing a thick amount of emotion as she lowers her head to rest on the gravestone laid ahead of her.

Camila allows her eyelids to secure tightly together, images of her deceased mother haunting her mind and her voice filling her ears.

“I miss you so much, so so much” she pauses as her breath catches in her throat and she wheezes in attempt to get some needed air into her lungs.

She knew that this would be difficult, almost murderous for her but she also understands that is something that needs to be done.

“Why did you leave me?
Why wasn’t Sofia and I good enough for you? Do you not realize just how much suffering you caused us by leaving us just like daddy did?” All the unanswered questions pour from her, everything that she has wondered about and has spent an incredible amount of time thinking about slipping from her mouth with ease.

The petite girl is silent for a moment, expecting her mother to respond with all of the answers she has been searching for.

Long brown curls blow freely in the wind, hitting across her slightly pale face whilst she lifts her hand to wipe her face.

“My life is completely unworthy of anything and it seems as though I am utterly useless. I have nobody; you are gone, daddy left and Sofia was literally ripped from my arms. School consists of nothing other than people who put on a mask to gain popularity and the foster home is practically a living nightmare." 

The world disappears around Camila as she allows herself to speak to her mother, something that has not happened since the heartbreaking funeral that took place all those years ago.

She regrets not coming to visit sooner, but the pain was too much and she knows now is the right time. For Camila, she wants to move on and let go of all the grudges she holds against her mother.

“I am deeply sorry for thinking that everything that happened to Sofia and I over these past couple of years was your fault. I know now that you have no control over our fate and what happened to us, I just can’t believe it took me so long to realize it. I still don’t understand why we wasn’t enough for you but I also don’t hold it against you for wanting to take away the pain. It sucks to feel like this, right?”

Camila takes a deep breath through her nose, releasing it from her mouth after a moment.

Her fingers continue to trace the slightly faded words that are written across the gravestone.

Her brain doesn’t understand, she can’t comprehend what she did wrong to deserve her life to turn out this in this disastrous way.

“There is this one girl…her name is Lauren but I call her Lolo, or maybe Lo when I am particularly tired. She, she is amazing and completely magical through my eyes. Everything about her amazes me and she sends continuous crazy reactions through my body with everything that she does.”

As Camila speaks about Lauren, her body begins to feel lighter and she can feel a tiny smile beginning to tug at the corners of her lips at the thought of the green-eyed beauty.

There is no denying that Camila is entirely smitten by the older Latina; every time she passes through the girls mind, a grin crosses her face and all of her sadness and pain disappears for a brief moment.

It was unquestionable that she was smitten although instead of being afraid, she was intrigued and she yearned to fall even deeper.

Her feelings were unstoppable, it was like Lauren dug an even bigger place in her heart with every conversation that was held between them and it made Camila feel light-hearted.

These feelings were new to her, but she welcomed them with open arms because she enjoyed the various tugs of happiness, instead of the constant heartache and pain.

Smiling, she wiped her eyes once again and shuffled on the ground to bring her legs in front of her body, wrapping her arms securely around them in attempt to keep herself warm.

“She makes me feel less sad, less insecure and she is constantly reassuring me that one day I will have the life that I dream of having. Not many people have stuck around and got to know me like Lauren has, but I have realized that I would rather have only Lauren other than a load of people without her. She is my everything and mommy, I don’t know what I would do without her.”

Her mind races at the thought of possibly loosing Lauren, her heart dropping in her chest.

“It sounds like you really love her Bumble Bee” a deep familiar voice comes from behind her, startling her massively.

Her eyes widen and her whole body freezes, not wanting to turn around and have her suspicions confirmed.

“Bumble Bee, please” she sighs and turns around, tears streaming down her face as her cloudy brown eyes land on the man she last saw 6 years ago.