Jenalyn: Daring to Defy (#1)[Complete]

Chapter 51: Jenalyn

Tuesday, 6:19 P.M.

I have no idea how I managed to get myself out of the tub earlier, get on a t-shirt and some panties I could afford to mess up granted my lack of pads, and drag myself into Dane's big empty bed. 

I had to sleep for, what? 5 hours to gain the little strength I have now- how the fuck did I do that earlier this afternoon? 

I slowly make my way to the bathroom, my cramping bad enough to let me know I probably need to clean up a little. Very zombie like, I go through the motions without much thought about anything, or anyone. 

Until I hear the front door slam shut in a way that can only mean that Dane is home. 

My heart immediately begins to pound in my chest, but I have no time to do anything before I hear his heavy footsteps outside of his bedroom. 

I quickly finish cleaning up, pulling my big T-shirt over my panties just as Dane makes it through his bedroom door, and to the bathroom. He tosses me a bag with multiple packs of heavy duty pads with a flat face. I can't even bring myself to look at him. 

"You uh- shouldn't use tampons right now, I know you like em better, but-" he says, with a tone in his voice thats supposed to sound caring. 

That's not how I'm gonna see it though- no way. I can still feel all of the anger and frustration I held all day pent up inside of me. I'd thought it'd have simmered by now, but no. 

"I'm not miscarrying, Dane. You killed it." I bitterly say as I brush past him and back into the bedroom. "It's an abortion- An illegal unwanted abortion!!"

I'm crying by the time I can make it back to the bed, and I can't tell if I'm trembling from whatever Dane gave me last night still, or in fear that Dane will lunge at me because of what I said. I make it to the bed safely, and though I can't look directly at him I can see him still standing across the room. 

"Babygirl, believe me... you wouldn't want that kid." he says calmly, approaching me in a manner that's probably supposed to make me feel 'safe.' "That wasn't my kid.. would you really want to chance it, knowing damned well I haven't fucked you in damned near two months? Would you rather me have to get rid of an actual baby?"

"How could you even say that!" I find myself practically screaming. I had no idea I even had that inside of me, but his words hurt so bad, pushing through my physical pain to defend the emtional pain from his words is no problem. "It was a baby, Dane! You did kill a fucking baby!"

I can tell my yelling it starting to irk him, but the adrenaline rushing through my previously screwed veins doesn't even let it phase me. "I killed a couple of fucking cells, little girl. You think I want to kill a fucking infant?" he says with a new tone in his voice. One I know should tell me to calm down. It doesn't though, it makes me more upset! 

How could he think this is okay?! That was gonna be my baby! It could've been our baby! I don't know how far along I was!!

"You wouldn't care!" I cry, the tone of my voice weaker only because the sudden rush of adrenaline used up a lot of the energy I had stored up. "You don't care about anyone but yourself! You didn't even care to be here for me today after you did this to me, you- you asshole!"

I don't even get to hear a response before I feel the sting of his palm across my cheek. After recovering, I'm finally able to look at him- though very reluctantly. I can see the anger racing through his face, but also the effort being put forth not to do more than a measly slap. 

I almost want to thank him for these horrible cramps, because compared to them that slap wasn't shit. 

"The thing is, babygirl- I do care." He says with a clenched jaw and forced smile. "But you will never understand.. that I do what I do, because I care."

I shake my head, sniffling the last of the tears my body will let me cry before I get too angry to cry. "I don't care what you say, Dane.." I sob, trying but failing go climb from the bed. Dane easily pushes my body back until I'm resting against the headboard again. "You held me down.. you shoved a needle in my arm!" I still cry. 

"Quite a few times, Lil Bit!" Dane says in quick response, his voice raising a bit but still calm in an odd way. "And you know what? You let another fucking man bust inside of you! And I'm sure you'll do it again! So guess what? l'll probably be doing it again, too!"

"I can't be with you anymore. I want to go home." I cry, unable to help the words coming from my mouth. I don't even have a 'home' to go to anymore, but I need to leave! I know he's gonna hit me, he's probably gonna kill me! All I can do is clench my eyes shut and wait- 

But he just let's out one of his laughs, and stands from the bed after a few moments. 

"You don't have a home, Lil Bit." he laughs, "-and you probably couldn't get there, even if ya did! But you know what?"

He pauses for a moment, walking over to his desk where his duffel bag already sits and pullling out a white baggy. "I'm feeling generous today- so, go."

I don't even know if I should really move... Did I hear him right? Go? I really will walk the fuck out right now. I don't care! "Yeah right," I say, trying not to let the white baggy draw my attention too much. I can't help it though, even in this state, my body still seems to just...crave it. 

"Get the fuck out," Dane says calmly, though with a bass in his voice that I know means that could change fast. 

Fuck him! And his fucking drugs! He killed my baby! 

I stand from the bed, hoping he's too busy over there with his lines to notice what a pitiful sight it is. I throw on a pair of pajama pants sitting at the edge of the bed, find my shoes, and practically stumble out of his room without another word from him. 

I don't care, I don't care, I don't care.. I have to keep telling myself. 

I have no idea where I'm going, or if I'll make it there in the first place... but I'm not staying here.