The Lies We Told On Thursday Nights

34. Thursday: Paralyzed (Emery)

Hi everyone! Sorry, I've been very busy with finals and getting better. But now school is out and I have a bit more free time.

So, since it's been like two weeks, if you want to review the last chapter to see exactly Levi said to Emery, go ahead since it is referenced.

I am so sorry this is such a short chapters.

Also the chapter is told in a weird order, the first paragraph takes place around 8:34 ...but then it recalls the previous 20 minutes.

Also, tw for eating disorder.

Emery

Thursday: 8:34

School was my domain. I would strut the halls, flaunting my superiority. Sure I'd get looks and mutters, but to be frank I didn't care. I'd be raising my hand in class, oblivious to their mutters.

In fact, since last night I've been paralyzed. Numb. I don't know where my life went or if life is ever supposed to be good. I've been numb to the idea of self-worth and success. The only emotions to creep through the numbness was the deadly sensation to not eat anything until I fade into nothing. Or until I become someone Levi can look at. Someone not flawed, I needed to be perfect and that meant being numb.

Then goddamnit, I was going to by ice, not the one in your drinks, but the ice that covers the streets after it snows and uses it's worthlessness as a weapon.

And my numbness prevented any happiness or hope, so now, unlike every other day in my joke of a life....I was sitting in class and I couldn't move.

8:14

I was running late today due to my phone being dead and then waiting 30 minutes for it to charge 50%. I walked into school and the very few kids that were still floundering in the hall gawked at me.

And they laughed. The thing is when people tease me, they don't look directly at me. But these band geeks were looking at me, in me, studying me.

Their laughs were cold and malicious.

I stared back at them blankly.

"She doesn't know," one boy whispering to his girlfriend, nudging her playfully. She cracked up laughing.

I didn't like not knowing things. "What?"

"Did you not check your Instagram or your email?" they clucked.

I shook my head. Instagram hasn't been downloaded for months now and since our power cut out yesterday afternoon, my phone died and when the power went on at midnight I was already asleep.

I was trembling suddenly. I turned on my phone. I hadn't turned it on since it died.

782 notifications.

47 were emails to my school account, and the rest were emails from Instagram to my personal email that I used for my Instagram account. 735 messages that read either: @xxxx mentioned you in a post or @xxxx commented on a post you were mentioned.

The emails to my school account were "please ignore the email from Levi" "Cyberbullying is unacceptable" or "Emery, can we talk ~school dean"

And then one email: "Emery isn't Perfect"

I...I clicked on it. It was the full 4-minute video of me confessing my feelings to Levi. Crap. The thumbnail was me. God did I look fat, you could see my puffy face and the fat on my shoulder smush against my chest. From that angle, my thighs were humungous like large corn dogs.