Double Bender

Part 40

We walked up several flights of stairs up to the balcony section. "Why are we in the 'nosebleed' section?" Toph said. "My feet can't see a thing from up here." "I'll tell your feet exactly what's going on." Katara joked as she sat down by Toph. I sat down on Katara's other side with Zuko on my left. Aang came up next and frowned when he saw he couldn't sit next to his sweetheart. He didn't have a lot of time to complain because the theater darkened and the curtains opened. Aang reluctantly sat down beside Zuko. The curtain opened to reveal a small Water-Tribe canoe on the stage. Behind the boat was a crudely painted set of what looked like icebergs, with paper waves swaying around the boat. Sitting in the boat were two people; Sokka and Katara. I looked over and saw Katara grinning from ear-to-ear. Actress Katara stood up and I realized that she had on way too much makeup and there was a slit on the right side of her skirt so that we could see her whole leg. I knew the real Katara too well. She would never wear anything like that, especially not in the freezing South Pole. She sighed. "Sokka!" Stage Katara said dramatically. "My only brother, we constantly roam these icy South Pole seas and yet we never find anything fulfilling!" She looked like she was about to break into sobs. Sokka, who's "wolf tail" was much bigger than it was supposed to be, stood up and said, "All I want is a full feeling in my stomach. I'm starving!" The audience burst into laughter. We all stared in awe at the awfulness that had just taken place on the stage. They had only said two lines and I already knew I was gonna hate it. This was gonna be a long three hours. They went on. "Is food the only thing on your mind?" Actress Katara said. "Well," said Actor Sokka. "I'm trying to get it out of my mind and into my mouth. I'm starving!" The audience roared with laughter again. "This is pathetic!" Sokka whispered angrily. "My jokes are WAY funnier than this." Toph was the only one in our box laughing. "I think he's got you pegged." She said. Actress Katara continued. "Every day, the world awaits for a beacon to guide us." She said. "Yet none appears. But still we must not give up hope. For hope is the only thing we have and we must relinquish it, even..." she started to choke back tears. "... to our dying breath!" Then she started to sob. I actually found it quite hilarious, even if it was making fun of my friends in a cruel-hearted way. You know that feeling when you're watching something so stupid that you're embarrassed just to be watching it, even if you're in a crowd of people who feel the same way so you just start laughing to make it seem less awkward, but in turn, that just makes it more awkward? That's why I was laughing. "That's just silly." The real Katara said. "I do not sound like that." Toph kept laughing. "Oh man." She said. "This writer's a genius."

Suddenly the lights changed to a pearly white as a wooden set of an iceberg with a foggy window came rising from back stage. A cutout of someone was swaying back and forth inside it. Stage Katara stopped her sobbing and looked up. "It appears to be someone frozen in ice." She said. No duh, lady, I thought. "Possibly for a hundred years. Water-bend! Hi-ya!" she said comedically. "That's not how you water-bend." I mumbled to myself. There was a loud crack! and the set broke away in a puff of smoke. Aang sat up in excitement. This was his moment. A person stood up shadows. Then the lights came up to reveal... a girl. Aang was being played by a girl in a bald cap. For crying out loud, a girl?! Next thing you know, Toph's gonna be played a really buff man. Anyway, Actress Aang jumped out from the smoke, winked and posed. "Who are you, frozen boy?" Actress Katara said. Actress Aang, you know what? That's getting real annoying. I'm just gonna call her "Stage Slut." Anyway, Stage Slut giggled and said, "I'm the Avatar, silly." Now I know this play is gonna suck. Aang would never say "Silly" as a name. Stage Slut pirouetted and said, "Here to spread joy and fun!" I face palmed. I wasn't looking forward to how they portrayed the rest of us. "Is that a woman playing me?" Aang said in disbelief. Then again, I didn't think they could sink any lower, seeing how Aang was being played by a FLIPPING GIRL! Ugh, anyway, a huge, shaggy, puppet came out from behind the set and started flying around. It looked somewhat like Appa but, you know, about ten times more stupid. Actress Katara knelt down by Stage Slut and said, "An air-bender!" She grabbed on to Stage Slut's leg. "My heart is so full of hope that it's making me tear-bend!" Then she started sobbing again. Oh, Shut up! I thought. Then Actor Sokka grabbed on to Stage Slut's other leg and said, "My stomach is so empty that it's making me tear-bend!" He pretended to cry as well. "I need meat!" Okay, that was spot on. "But look!" said Stage Slut, pointing somewhere out in the audience. "Is that a platter of meat dumplings?" "Ooo!" said Actor Sokka. "Where?" Stage Slut giggled girlishly. "Aside from being the Avatar, I'm also an incurable prankster." She said as she crossed her legs femininely. The audience roared with applause. Aang was very irritated. "I do not do that." He said angrily. "That's not what I'm like. And I'm not a girl!" Toph tried to hide her laughter. By "Try" I mean laughed at the top of her lungs, without regard to the rest of us. "They nailed you, Twinkletoes!" Toph said. The scene changed. Oh, good. Enough of that scene. A set that looked like a Fire Nation battle ship was rolled on stage. On it was a young girl with long, exaggerated brown hair and too much eye makeup, a fat old man with a grey beard, and a young man who was bald except for a long pony tail and a red burn on the right side of his face. Oh no. They were about to rip on Zuko, Geo, and Uncle. I felt Zuko tense up. This was gonna be painful. Actor Uncle held up a platter with a very fake looking cake on it. Zuko was looking out a telescope and Geo was twirling her hair. "Prince Zuko," said Actor Uncle. "you must try this cake." Geez, I honestly felt embarrassed for the guy who played Uncle, and for Uncle himself (even though I had no idea where he was). "I don't have time to stuff my face!" said Actor Zuko sternly. "I must capture the Avatar to regain my honor!" Actress Geo sat up and said, "Why do we have to get the Avatar anyway?" She suddenly perked up and said, "I know! He's the one who has your honor, doesn't he?!" Geo sat up. "What the hell did they do to me?" "Sit down!" said Actor Zuko sternly. "I told you before, if you wish to travel with us, you must keep you mouth shut!" "Anything for you." Said Actress Geo flirtatiously. "No!" Geo whined. "They made me a complete dumb-ass!" Actor Uncle stood up. "Let's forget about the Avatar and get massages!" "Ooo!" said Actress Geo. "I like that idea." "How could you say that?" said Actor Zuko, outraged. "They make me look completely stiff and humorless." Zuko said. "I think it's pretty spot on." Katara said. Zuko slouched in his seat. I leaned my head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around me. He needed comfort. "We can at least guess that the way they portrayed me is worse than how they did you." I said, trying to reassure him. He shrugged. "Well...at least we know they screwed up both of us..." Fail. He chuckled quietly to himself.