Sophomore Year

3. Lost But Not Found

WARNING: this chapter mentions self-harm, molestation, sexual assault, dab pins, and weed. If you are bothered by these topics, I advise you to not continue reading.

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On Wednesday, we had 2-4-6 days. 2nd, 4th, and 6th period. I was with Ellison all day; I honestly didn't mind. She was great company. We often would joke around and dance down the hall. We would be sent to the office, but we weren't ever in trouble. We had a sense of humor that most teachers could stand. When roaming halls, we'd shove each other into the wall or even slide down in our socks. As winter break was coming, Ellison and Lindsay were sad because I would be moving schools to Cali Ridge.

Winter break felt so long. I spent most of it, actually all of it, texting and video chatting Lindsay. I didn't have a way to get a hold of Ellison, but she would soon download an app so we could talk. For a week, I spent Christmas in Indiana with my mom and family. I was walking to the back slabs with a group of friends I knew. For the first time, I hit a dab pin. I have tried weed before, but never a dab pin. Three hits and I was blown. My guy friend, Darion, was walking me home after twenty minutes at the back slab. We decided I was too high to go home, so we sat at a table at the park. Our hands were close to touching and he reached for mine while putting his other hand on my thigh. I had pulled away because I wasn't ready for anything to happen. My luck with guys was not great. My friend's dad had molested me in November, and a few years back, he did it too.

Winter break came to an end, and once again I was the new kid at Cali High. The school was 96% black kids. Most of the kids didn't like me right away because I was white. I had maybe one friend in my weight training class. I lasted a week there, and my dad transferred me back to Daniel Lee High because I was getting bullied at Cali High. I was able to see Ellison and Lindsay, and that was one thing I was so happy to do. Hadley knew I was coming back, but when I walked to third, she was shocked. She didn't actually think I was coming.

Since I came back to DLHS, I was living with my mom's friend Hailey. She and I got along better than both of my parents combined. At school, I was in the musical for Beauty and The Beast. I spent everyday after school rehearsing, but sometimes Hadley and I would roam the halls and mess with posters on the wall. Rebels, right? No. Since I came back, Lindsay and I started to drift, and Hadley and I began to get closer. Ellison made a new friend while I was at Cali High. Her name is Elizabeth. She was super sweet, and at times I even mispronounced her name. Ellison, Elizabeth, and I became closer, and we spent most of second period in the library joking around.

With Lindsay and I drifting apart, I began to get a little more depressed. At the beginning of the school year, I already was self-harming. Dr. Barns tried to help with that, but I saw no point in it. Lindsay was my best friend, and I hoped she'd be a long lasting one. I guess things happen for a reason, or it was just the fact she didn't want to deal with such a sad person. Around this time, I was once again sexually assaulted by a guy that was in town. I told Ellison, Lindsay, Señora Thorn, and Dr. Barns. Big mistake on my behalf. A detective once again came to talk to me, and she had informed my dad and Hailey.

I didn't have anyone to talk to about this situation except for my school guidance counselor, Mrs. Gibson. She and I became close and she was helpful a lot. Afterwards, Mrs. Gibson would check on me almost everyday. By then, my grades were okay. They weren't too bad as they were at the beginning of the year. Once I was fired, my grades came up. Lindsay began talking to a guy and I became jealous, but did I let anyone know? No way. She was happy. Who would I be to take that from her? Ellison and I became closer after Lindsay and I drifted. I was okay with that because Ellison was good for me. She helped me a lot.