A Kiss of Goodbye

37: Silence

                         I was disappointed with how the night came out. We drove back to my apartment in silence. I didn't look at Gregg; he will glance at me from time to time while driving. As if the silence is becoming unbearable for him, he tried to go fast overtaking every cars that would slow him down. I would be lying if it didn't fear me but I also wanted to be home as fast as possible.

                        Nobody speak until we made it to the residences. -"No, I can take it from here. Thanks!" I finally broke the silence when he was about to get out of his seat to open the door for me, still trying to be the gentle man that he is. He didn't dare look at me and just stared at his steering wheel. I hurriedly open the door and stormed out from his car without a single word from him as I stepped out. He left right away after I made a short distance from his car.

                             As soon as I stepped foot on my room and closed the door, I breakdown. There's no doubt that I have feelings for him but how can he take advantage of it. I thought he would make it right for me, how is it right when you are getting married and you ask someone to be your girlfriend? How dumb does he think I am? So when he's married and I'm all attached to him, I am left with no choice and be his mistress? I cried helplessly out of sadness. Is this all I will ever be? The second choice? I think this is the time to completely forget about this craziness. I need to learn to live the day without Gregg in it.

                      I'm so down with the thought of being lonely again. I would surely miss his presence and attention. But how hard can it get? I've lived through it for many years, why can't I now? I didn't stop myself from crying to squeeze out all there is left for him.

                     I must've cried myself to sleep and woke up still at the door cradling my body. I got up really tired and my eyes are so puffy. I would surely look like hell tomorrow at work but my leave is over and I couldn't afford to miss another day I would screw up my finances. I've got bills to pay.

                   I dragged myself to the shower. I was silently hoping to hear from Gregg but there's no sign of him, not a single text or missed call. I would be lying if I didn't miss him. Although we didn't text everyday before but I know this time possibly there would be no more Gregg. Isn't this a good thing Aevey? You'll get used to it. I mentally told myself.

                      I looked at my face at the mirror in utter horror. I have never been in this situation for the longest time I couldn't remember how I looked. I hope the puffiness well get a little better after taking a shower. I started my bath routine weakly barely moving. Few tears would escape from my eyes every now and then and a lump inside my throat.

                      I carried on with the day, I got so lucky that after few hours my reflection has improved and I don't look like coming from a mourn. Although I am silently mourning from the death of my happiness. He has brought me wonderful moments only it has been cut short. I think it's for the better that it has come this sooner than later; I still have few pieces left in me intact. I can't mention his name in my head without feeling like breaking apart. He's been only a part of my life for few months but he has already taken so much from me. But I know I am strong and I can forget about him given enough time. Goodbye Gregg and I'm sorry self for bringing you trouble.