I'm In Love With Me?

Chapter 15

I always knew this day would come. It was inevitable. Everyone prepared for it. Everyone waited for it. However, it was still painful.

Man, did I hate funerals.

There were five categories of people in funerals:

The ones that pretended to be strong. They stood at the back with dry eyes, totally sick to their stomach but wouldn't cry no matter how much sadness they felt. They usually cried behind closed doors. I was fitting myself into that category. Except, I wouldn't actually cry behind closed doors. You guys knew how I felt about tears. So although I wanted to bawl my eyes out, I wouldn't. Hence, my red eyes and pink nose. The bottled up tears were burning the hell out of my eyes.

Next were the ones that you hadn't seen or heard from in like a million years but showed up and cried the most. I was talking full on cry show. They're the ones that acted like they were the closest person to the deceased when in reality they couldn't care less.

Then there were the sleepers. The ones that fainted during the ceremony and missed the whole thing. Or the ones who needed to be carried away due to fainting symptoms.

The solely attendance. They showed up dressed fancily as if attending some kind of dinner party. They didn't shed a tear neither did they look even the slightest bit bothered. They smiled the most, they talked the loudest, even cracked jokes. They made sure to look great at all times.

Lastly, the close family members. They're the ones who were most in pain. They clung to each other for support as tears slowly slid down their faces. Their hands shook slightly as they stared at the coffin. They were the ones who tried to keep their shit together the most but were breaking on the inside.

Two things stood out at funerals; the colour black and loads of crying. A lot of it.

As I stood at the back of the ceremony, I clutched onto my purse tightly. I felt awful in that moment and I could bet a million bucks that I looked awful too. I was staring at a coffin that held my best friend's mother. A woman I had loads of respect for. A woman that made me smile. A woman that made others smile. Someone who cherished life. Someone who cared for Keeva and I like we were her own daughters alongside Isa. A mother who loved her daughter so much.

That beautiful, caring, loving person was gone. No more silly jokes. No more embarrassing us three girls in front of each other. No arguments over who's hotter; Zac Efron or Channing Tatum. No more watching chick flicks with her in the midst. No more treats.

I covered my face with my palm as I quietly broke down. No tears surfaced but my inside was drowning. I felt like I was drowning.

I saw Isa watching me, her eyes puffy and pink. I immediately sniffled, standing straighter. I couldn't let Isa see me like this. I had to be strong for her. If I started crying she would surely bawl her eyes out. Keeva who stood beside me gave me a side-hug as she leaned her head on my shoulder with tear stained cheeks. I wrapped my hand around her shoulder, rubbing her upper arm soothingly.

Someone started sobbing loudly and I tried keeping it together. She was falling apart. Isa's crying was audible now. Not loud but audible. It broke my heart. I brought my shaded sunglasses to my eyes. It would be a rough day.

The ceremony ended a few minutes ago and everyone was just milling around as they gave their condolences to the family. I spotted Isa near the front and I made my way towards her. When I got close, I opened out my arms to the side to invite her in for a hug. She immediately hugged me. She looked really terrible and she had every right to look that way. Her hair was falling out of the ponytail and her entire face was pink from all the crying she did.