Love Bites; Bullets

He Opened Up to Me

For a few days after that incident in the courtyard, I was honestly terrified to talk to Ryan. He seemed like he was purposely trying to threaten me, and I realized that I needed to step back. Every once and awhile, I noticed that he'd be starting at me in Music class from his table, or in the hallway during breaks. He looked to be curious while he stared, and I didn't know what to do. I'd either give him a look of, leave me alone, or just look away as soon as I noticed him. But no matter what I did, he kept looking at me, constantly to the point of pure annoyance and frustration. Why was he staring all of the sudden when I stopped staring? And what was he thinking?

During Music class, we were doing independent projects on the computer this time. So, I sat at the only computers in the classroom that happened to be right next to his table since the library was absolutely filled. As I slowly walked over, I finally noticed that there were two giant scars alongside each side of Ryan's neck. I made a mistake and spoke out loud to myself.
"How did that happen?" I whispered, which made him look up at me and laugh.
"Sorry.." Was all I could say.
"They're mine." He answers.
"Yours?" I ask whilst rising eyebrows.
"Did them to myself yes." He looked down at the table and grinned to himself while biting the inside of his lip. I wanted to ask why, but I was afraid of what his sarcastic response might be, so I awkwardly kept to myself for a few minutes.
"That courtyard is my spot you know." He says out of the blue.
"I know.." Was all I could say.
"Then why did you meet me out there?" He asks in a stern voice.
"I don't know." I started to let myself type in random words on the keyboard out of nervous energy.
"Can you tell me why you care so much?" He asks in a normal tone for once.
"Your.. Fascinating!" I giggle to myself.
"How? Do I come off as a fucking mystery man is that it?" He asks.
"Exactly." I say.
"I was just trying to help you know, keep you company!" I say with some frustration, and he looks down with his hair out of his face and I could finally see it.
"Oh my God!" I say excitedly, and he looks up with a single tear rolling down his face.
"I can.. See your face!" I smile, trying to stop him from looking so upset.
"I have one." He replies, while tucking one side of his hair behind his ear, and now I could see only half of his face.
"You.. Have such a pretty.. Smile." He hesitated to tell me.
"Thank you." I nodded my head and grinned. At this point, my heart begins to pound above my chest.
"Wanna go to the courtyard.. With me?" He smiles but tries to hide it.
I couldn't believe it! He gave me permission to go to his special spot? I'm so in!
"Sure!" I smile wider and makes this laughing noise mixed with some crying.

An hour later, it's lunch break and I exited my Physics class with Ivy standing there by the door.
"So, we're going to McDonalds that lunch period." She says whilst walking on my left.
"I can't." I say as nicely as possible.
"Why?" She asks.
"I'm busy lunchtime." I reply.
"Doing what?" Ivy says all concerned like.
"I'll explain later, see ya!" I shout and run quicker in front of her while turning behind to wave.

Minutes of walking, I make my way out to the courtyard just to see Ryan out there leaning on the wall, again with half his face covered by his blonde hair.
"Welcome to my humble abboud." He grins.
"It's beautiful." I smile and walk closer.
"I guess so." He itches his head.
"So, can I ask my questions now? But you can feel free not to answer?" I ask nervously.
"Just ask them." He cuts in.
"Ok, well, why'd you give yourself those scars?" My first question of many.
"I have more." He immediately takes off his shirt and shows me that he's pretty hacked up on his shoulders, wrists, and arms. I reach out and touch them but give him a heads up beforehand.
"Ryan.." I whisper and he looks down at me.
"Why would you do this?" He grabs my hand gently to pull it back before I see a group of guys that make me jump as they come into the courtyard.
"Well would you look at that?" One of them says. Ryan quickly puts his shirt back on.
"Dude looks like a broken haystack!" The other says, and everyone starts laughing.
"Hey! Leave him alone!" I push the guy who said that, and he nudges me back before Ryan immediately grabs him by the shirt and gives him a good old punch to the nose.
"Ahh! You broke my nose!" The other guys walk away with him while he's holding his nose and blood is leaking everywhere. I am just standing there speechless.
"Don't worry." Ryan says, so I turn around.
"He's on my list." Then he does a malicious type of smile while staring at the door.
"What list?" I ask.
"I really can't tell you that." He answers.
"Okay.." I decide not to persuade him into answering.

Not very long after, we get back to talking and I get into the subject of family life. I explained that I live with my mom and my dad, and he used to be an alcoholic and would beat us until he got clean and his life back together. Although, the memories of my childhood still haunt me. I only really said all this so he could open up about his life, because I was so curious.
"I drink sometimes, but my dad is a major drunk." He goes on to talk about how his dad also regularly is verbally abusive, and sometimes physical as well. Apparently, he was also molested by his mom at a young age, and she passed away from an accidental drug overdose, but was basically found dead on her bed with pills and a heroin needle beside her and was found by Ryan at the age of ten.
"I've never been touched inappropriately, so I guess that makes me lucky." I say.
"Very lucky." Just after that, the principal comes out to the courtyard for Ryan.
"Ryan Glantis!" He shouts, and I stand up.
"Sir, I can explain." I say.
"No Casey, don't bother, I'm not worth this pricks time." He says.
"Excuse me young man! You are going right now to my office!" He raises his voice.
"Why?" He stands up and gets all sarcastic again, and not with me this time.
"You broke Phoenix Smith's nose!" He says.
"Oh that little faggot, yeah!" He laughs right at him.
"Mr. Glantis, this is not very funny!" The principals face turns red.
"It's fucking hilarious!" He continues to laugh.
"Ryan stop!" I've had enough listening to him give attitude, and he stops laughing to give me a strange look.
"Huh?" He says.
"This is ridiculous! Just go to the office and get it over with!" I yell.
"Didn't I just tell you my mom was dead.." He whispers to my ear.
"What does that have to do with anything?" I ask.
"Then stop acting like my mom!" He gets all worked up, and runs right past the principal and through the doors out the front doors and runs away while the staff calls the police to chase him. I am sitting there shaking my head watching the police chase him for about two minutes before a cop comes from the side and actually pinned him down to the ground.
"You bastards! That little asshole was shoving Casey!" He shouts, and looks at me with mixed emotions of anger, yet still seemed to care a little too much.
As they dragged him into the car, I ran up to the door to talk to him as the window was still open.
"Listen, please stay away from those guys! you hear?" He says, I nod.
"Also, don't tell me what to do anymore." He orders me again, I slowly nodded back.
The car starts up, and they slowly drive off while rolling up the window; by this time the bell rings and I need to get a move on.

After my class was done, I met Lindsay and Ivy in the hallway and they looked annoyed.
"What's going on with you?" Ivy says as they both have their arms crossed, just glaring down at me.
"What do you mean?" I giggle and force a smile.
"You know what we mean." Lindsay manages to speak up.
"No, I really don't." I say genuinely.
"Ryan Glantis! You're hanging out with him!?" Ivy angrily snaps.
"Is he more important than us!?" Lindsay cuts in.
"No! No guys!" I try and force another smile.
"Wait, how do you know his name?" I asked Ivy.
"I know because he's the guy who threatened my brother that he would kill him!" She cries.
"Really?" I ask whilst very concerned.
"Really." She says.
"Why have you been blowing us off to go hang out with him too?" Lindsay asks.
"Have I really been blowing you guys off?" I ask first, and they both nodded.
"Oh, I'm sorry I really didn't realize." I lowered my head, because the last thing I'd ever want to do is ditch my only friends for some boy.
"If I were you, I'd stay clear away from him! He's bad news!"

Then she continues on from things she's seen and heard about him. Like how he's been involved in very violent altercations with others, possession of weapons, and even arson at one point. I mean, I knew he was mysterious but, never a danger to society. If anything, I thought he only tried to appear tough. Regardless, this was a giant wake-up call for me. I can't be falling for a bad boy and ditching my friends to hang out with him. But then, I just felt trapped. Because I knew very deep down that I was starting to develop feelings for him, but I can't!

"I'm so sorry you guys, I thought he was interesting and.. well.. I don't know." Ivy and Lindsay grin at me and listen closely to my upcoming apology.
"I'm sorry for ditching you two to go talk to Ryan lately, it was stupid and plus, I don't wanna get hurt." Ivy smiles wide.
"That's exactly what I was also trying to do! Protect you from him!" She opens her arms and hugs me, before it suddenly turns into a group hug. I barely even hugged them back, but that didn't stop them, they just squeezed tighter if anything.
For once, I hated being hugged. I just wanted to be held, by Ryan? Maybe. I missed him already, because the thought of just to stop talking to him all together seemed outrageous to me.
I missed his warmth, his jokes, his hair, his presence..