Love Bites; Bullets

She Listens to Me

Days after the incident in the courtyard happened, I had realized to the full extent of what I might have caused for Casey. And as much as I hate to say it, I actually felt bad for trying to scare her off that day. After it happened, I couldn't stop thinking about her; then I found myself staring at her in Music class. I guess I lingered a little too long at times, because sometimes she'd look right back on purpose in a way to get me to stop, it honestly never worked. 
All of the sudden staring got me to think about how I always originally got annoyed when she kept staring at me, now the tables have turned. 

Music class one day, everyone was doing projects again and I obviously didn't do it. Everything was normal, until Casey came over next to my table to work at the computers. That was when I heard her whisper loudly to herself while failing to be discrete.
"How did that happen?" Now, I immediately knew what she was talking about because I've been down this similar route my whole life with my history of self-harm. But it was about these scars that I made that one night, that happened to be made when I was thinking about her, obviously couldn't help but look up and laugh.
"Sorry.." She says while bowing her head slowly.
"They're mine." I say afterwards, and she raises her eyebrows.
"Yours?" She asks.
"Did them to myself yes." My first response tick was to look down and bite the inside of my lip, causing it to bleed. 
"That courtyard is my spot you know." I decided to say after letting her type on the keyboard for a few minutes.
"I know.." Wow! I must've really scared her I thought. When I mentioned this she looked shocked, and I felt the need to address my dominance over the spot as I still felt at least some anger towards the situation.
"Then why did you meet me out there?" I asked sternly.
"I don't know." She starts typing again, and this got me thinking of her personality. Yes, I felt bad for loosing my temper for once about the whole thing. But that didn't mean I would just let it slide so I decided to prove my dominance over the courtyard again to her. But then, I got curious, and asked her something that's been on my mind for so long since I met her.
"Can you tell me why you care so much?" I ask.
"Your.. Fascinating!" She giggles.
"How? Do I come off as a fucking mystery man is that it?" I asked again as genuinely as I could exude.
"Exactly." She replies with some actual anger.
"I was just trying to help you know, keep you company!" She has completely lost her cool, and I lowered my head to think about what she was trying to tell me. I couldn't handle all the rush of emotions that I let my hair get out of my face, but I held back the tears as much as I could, only letting one drip down. 
"Oh my God!" She yells, and I look up at her pretty face.
"I can.. See your face!" She sounded way too excited to see my hair pushed away for once. But at the same time, I couldn't complain to see her smile when it wasn't phony.
"I have one." I used sarcasm as my weapon as I let only half my face show my tucking one side in my ear.
"You.. Have such a pretty.. Smile." I hesitated the whole time to say that, but I did.
"Thank you." She grins, and my heart begins to pound like it's never pounded before. By this point, I had no other thoughts but the one drastic idea that would allow Casey into my comforting space.
"Wanna go to the courtyard.. With me?" I feel myself almost smiling at her, but try not to.
"Sure!" Her smile intensified, and my heart wouldn't stop beating like how it started.

An hour later, I make my way out to the courtyard to set up and mentally prepare myself for what I've just created. Leaning on the wall, I wait for her to find the way into the courtyard. I remembered standing there, staring down at my notebook for a few seconds thinking about whether or not I should just continue writing before she gets here, or put it back in my bag. That turned out to be the best option.
"Welcome to my humble abboud." I grin as she slowly walks towards there and staring at me.
"It's beautiful." She smiles back and comes closer than before.
"I guess so." I reach up and itch my head impulsively.
"So, can I ask my questions now? But you can feel free not to answer?" She asks, and it doesn't take me long to just explain and let her have her way for once.
"Ok well, why'd you give yourself those scars?" I wanted to not commit to answering these questions, so instead, I tell her that I have more and take off my shirt to show her. I honestly, wanted desperately to show her my body, not my self-harming scars. Once again, those same feelings rushed back to me because she softly used her hands to touch them.
"Ryan.." She whispers as I look down to her level.
"Why would you do this?" I got to uncomfortable with her hand all over my chest, so I took it and gently pulled it away when the group of bastards showed up to the courtyard.
"Well would you look at that?" One of the guys says, and I quickly throw my shirt back on.
"Dude looks like a broken haystack!" The other says, while the rest laugh their asses off. 
"Hey! Leave him alone!" She pushes him, and he pushes her back. I immediately felt my heart pound out of my chest, to see him nudge her harder then she did him made my blood boil for no reason. So, I grabbed the motherfucker by the scruff of the shirt and decked him straight in the nose with all my force.
"Ahh! You broke my nose!" He walked away bleeding with the other guys, and I felt like a mission was accomplished in the best way possible that day.
"Don't worry." I say while looking down at Casey's head that was turned around, and she looks over at me.
"He's on my list." I smile at the group through the window, with all the bloody sights in my head running through yet again. I knew after all this was over, I needed to make some serious changes to the map.
"What list?" She asks, and my heart stopped.
"I really can't tell you that." Was all I could say.
"Okay.." I was happy she didn't ask why.

Some time later, we begin talking like normal again as if everything that happened earlier didn't exist. She began opening up to me about her life, and that her dad used to beat her when he was still a drunk. But lucky for Casey, he eventually got clean. 
"I drink sometimes, but my dad is a major drunk." That's when I went on to talk about how my dad treats me, sometimes beats me as well. And even went on to talk about how my mom passed when I was ten from an accidental drug overdose, but also used to touch me inappropriately. I am still not entirely sure why I decided to open up this much, but something about Casey's spirit made it easy to speak my truth and genuine feelings. I've never felt this way with anyone before, and don't think I ever would.
"I've never been touched inappropriately, so I guess that makes me lucky." She says, and what I really wanted to say was that if anyone did they'd be fucking dead in my bare hands, but I didn't wanna make her anymore uncomfortable.
"Very lucky." That was when the stupid fucking principal came out.
"Ryan Glantis!" He shouts my full name, and Casey stands up looking startled.
"Sir, I can explain." She gets all polite and prissy with him.
"No Casey, don't bother, I'm not worth this pricks time." That all he needed to say for me to get right fucking heated.
"Why?" I stood up, and put on my sarcastic asshole attitude.
"You broke Phoenix Smith's nose!" He cries, and I couldn't help but laugh.
"Oh that little faggot, yeah!" I laugh in his face.
"Mr. Glantis, this is not very funny!" His face is getting all red, which to me meant that I was succeeding with this bastard.
"It's fucking hilarious!" I shout, while continuing to laugh louder.
"Ryan stop!" I hear Casey yell over my ridiculous laughter, and I was taken aback.
"Huh?" Was all I could utter.
"This is ridiculous! Just go to the office and get it over with!" She won't stop yelling, and it's pissing me off. 
"Didn't I just tell you my mom was dead.." I whisper down to her ear.
"What does that have to do with anything?" She asks out loud.
"Then stop acting like my mom!" At this point, I grabbed my shit and ran past the principal and back into the school. From the school, out the front doors, and not very far outside before the cops were called and they fucking tackled me down to the ground. Once they cuffed me, I just let the words flow, until I said something that I thought would actually benefit me as I could see Casey in my sight while being dragged into the pig car.
"You bastards! That little asshole was shoving Casey!" I was still somewhat angry at Casey for scolding me as if she was my mother, but I couldn't help but still care so much when I looked into her eyes. And at this display, I noticed she walked up to the window where I was and she looked shocked.
"Listen, please stay away from those guys! You hear?" I say with all certainty, and she nods.
"Also, don't tell me to do anymore." This time she slowly nods, but I was dead serious.
Once the car starts up and moves, I back up because the window was being rolled up, and still Casey didn't move right away after I heard the bell faintly ring.

Shit, now I am in the car with pigs. I fucking hate pigs, piece of shit cops think they are the cats meow because they have a badge. 
"Hey Ryan! Who's she?" The driver says, but I just roll my eyes.
"Ryan!?" He says, then there's a pause.
"She your girlfriend?" Then he chuckles.
"I'll tell you boy, a girl that pure is way out of your league. Just stay in your lane, your a danger to her boy." He laughs, but stops when I decide to say something.
"How so? When the only reason I am being handcuffed right now is because I defended her!" I yelled.
"Hey!" He pulls the car over to the side of the road to look at me.
"You're being taken home this time! And not because you defended her as you like to say!" He pokes me and I jolt back in my seat.
"Then why the hell am I here!?" I shouted back.
"Because you broke the kids fucking nose!" He pants, and starts the car back up.
After a few more minutes of driving, I opened my mouth again.
"I can't let her get hurt." I whispered to myself.
"Then stay away!" He yells, and I jolt back again.
I found myself feeling empty just thinking about her, wondering how she was without me. Thinking, maybe she's better without me there? Starting to listen to this driver oinker, and somehow he could be right. I have so many violent charges and possessions of weapons, as well as fighting with fire when I was younger that turned into arson convictions. I've been labeled as a danger to society for years now, by just about everyone who knows me.

More time goes by, and I finally arrive home. Upon arrival, there's my dad standing at the doorway and he knocks me down. 
"Breaking a kids nose.. Haven't I raised you right!?" He looks down at me, and I get up this time instead of letting him kick me around.
"You're lucky you didn't go back to the juvy detention center!" He tries to swing at me, and I duck before running all the way upstairs and locking the door behind me and I could hear him banging on it.
"Let me in you little bastard!" He yells.
"Leave me alone!" I hide myself under the blanket and start scratching at my fresh scars to hopefully make them bleed, which was successful.

After a short while, he gave up at the door. And I cried myself to sleep that night thinking of so many things, especially Casey. I couldn't hide my feelings anymore, I am in love with her and there's no stopping my true feelings.