Love Bites; Bullets

It Comes Back to Haunt You

Well now that Ryan and I have confessed our feelings to one another, we made things official between us. Yup! I am dating him! And I couldn't be happier. I was spending loads more time with him, but I couldn't stop thinking about my friends. Lindsay hasn't talked to me for weeks, and I talk to Ivy occasionally. One day, Ryan wasn't at school and Ivy and I spent the whole day together where we weren't in class and it was nice. Although, I still missed Lindsay big time.
"So, how's he treating you?" She asks out of the blue while I take the first bite out of my sandwich.
"Good!" I say while smiling and swallowing my food.
"Really!?" She asks again.
"Yes, Really." I laugh.
"I can't believe you two are actually dating now, I mean, I knew you loved him from the start." She explains.
"You did?" I ask.
"It's obvious!" She raises her voice and chuckles to me.
I wanted the main opportunity to know why my friends got so riled up when I developed a crush on Ryan in the first place. I know that previously Ivy told me that her brother got into something serious with him a year ago, but I wanted to know if she knew anything more about his criminal background. She then explained to me that he had also pulled a gun on Lindsay's dad before, and threatened to burn their house down. He was apparently charged with attempted murder because of that. How come I'd never heard about him before? I had asked, but she said that she wanted to keep him as far away as possible from me because of his record with the law. I most likely came across as crazy to Ivy for still being in love with him, but I couldn't help it! Something about him still never fails to get me curious and excited. 
"I just think, underneath all that anger, there's a real cuddly bear under there!" I say with confidence, but she just laughs and laughs.
"Cuddly bear?" She laughs again.
"I don't know how to explain it. He's just gentler with me than he may usually appear, that's all." I continue to explain.
"Yeah, okay." She winks at me sarcastically.
"No! Seriously! I think I can break that shell." I smiled.
"What shell?" She asks while opening her ears to listen inventively.
"The shell that he uses to make himself look intimidating, I guess that's how I'd put it." Then there's a pause.
"How are you gonna do that?" She asks.
"I don't know, but I think I'm on my way to perfecting it soon." I grin, and she grins back.

At the end of the School day, I ran into Lindsay in the hallway on the way outside.
"Watch it!" She runs faster away before I pace quickly to catch her out the door.
"Lindsay wait!" I scream at the top of my lungs, until we both end up outside.
"What do you want from me traitor!?" She shouts while finally turning in my direction.
"I know what he did." I said.
"What?" She raises her eyebrows.
"Ivy told me, everything." I said while fidgeting.
"And?" She shrugs her shoulders.
"I think I can fix him!" I shout out loud.
"Your ridiculous Casey!" She yells back, and walks faster away from me.
"Have fun with your psychopathic boy toy!" She turns around once more to shout.

The next day, I am at School yet again. I wait for Ryan and/or Ivy to show up, since they're the only two that care about me at the moment. I see Ryan approach, and then I see Ivy, but she walks right on by and didn't even look at me. 
"Hey, what's the problem?" He asks.
"Nothing." I look up at him and smile as if what I answered with was genuine.
"Okay." He says, and we walk down the hallway grasping each other's hand. 
The bell rings, and after doing a few circles down the hallway, we make our way back to the Music room. 

Once arriving to the Music room, he puts his stuff down at the table he usually sits at. I did what I thought was right, which was sitting at the table with my stuff. Turns out, he was only leaving his things there because he urged me to get up quite territorially. So, we pulled up a chair and sat in the far back on the opposite side of the table instead, but we were still far from everyone.
"This is where you like to sit?" I ask, and he starts fidgeting horribly.
"Not usually no, usually over there." As he points at his chair clear across the classroom.
"You know, we can sit at the table if that's what makes you comfortable." I suggest, he immediately agrees and we walk back over to the table. 
Once sitting down at his original spot, he looked way less anxious. 
"Thanks, actually." He forces to try and hide another smile, and it's too obvious.
"I hate when you do that! No offence." I smile at him trying to make him smile back.
"I love your smile!" I say loudly, and he chuckles nervously while placing his bag on the floor.

Two hours later it's finally my new favourite part of every school day so far this year, lunch break. Me and Ryan go back out into the courtyard to chat while he smokes. 
"Ryan?" I ask.
"Yeah." He exhales his cigarette.
"This may sound rude but, do you have any friends?" I say.
"No." He giggled at my question of course.
"Neither do I.. Anymore." Then there's a pause, and he flicked his half-smoked cigarette into the air before landing in a puddle.
"Anymore?" He asked.
"Yeah, I think I might've lost the only two friends I had." I lowered my head, and he slid down the red brick wall to sit beside me.
"This may sound rude.." He doesn't even get to finish yet, and I am already laughing.
"But, I thought you were popular!" He shouts, and I laugh even more.
"What!? No! Far from it!" I smiled and giggled in shock at his assumption.
"I remembered when I first saw you, you were talking to that theater geek." He says, and I had a flashback to that first moment I really laid eyes on him.
"Yeah, you got me crushing I think." I smile at him, and he leans in to kiss me again. 
"You know your really good at that right?" I said after we stopped.
"Yeah?" He smiles for real.
"There it is!" I shout, and he gets up and stretches his head.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
"Nothing! I just can't believe I have.. A girlfriend!?" He says while continuing to scratch his head, and I nod mine happily.
"Woah!" I say excitedly as he grabs me by the hands and lifts me directly up to his height again. His amount of strength startled me, and it was a very attractive quality that I found out just then.
"Promise me you won't be afraid." He holds my hands and looked into my eyes.
"That's a guarantee!" I still think we are flirting, but he looked dead serious when he interrupted.
"No! I'm serious Casey!" He looked afraid himself, almost pasty.
"You are scaring me right now Ryan!" Then he grabs my face gently.
"Promise me!" He raises his voice.
"I promise! Just stop it Ryan you're freaking me out!" He let's go, and stands by the wall to light a new cigarette.
Don't be afraid? What was he trying to tell me! Whatever it was, I felt so anxious that I started shaking after the fact. It brought me back to my childhood when dad used to beat me, and he would grab me by my face and yell. 
"Casey?" He exhales the cigarette, and I sit back down on the floor shaking and almost crying.
"Don't." I say as he leans down to touch my shoulder, but I spring up and go back inside with still about a half an hour left of lunch. 

Minutes later, I am in the hallway sitting and holding myself trying to calm down. You see, Ryan hasn't gone completely mad with me, but I really couldn't handle that trauma of someone raising their voice in my face similar to how my father used to be. My haunting memories came flooding back at me, and I needed a breather to get away from that. Then, I see feet by mine until I looked up and realized that it was Lindsay.
"Bad boy is bad huh? Guess you found out the hard way!" She then walks away furiously with her arms crossed.
I wanted so badly to follow her, but I just didn't have the strength. That's when I started to cry. Not that I was hurt by what she said, but because I didn't have the strength to stand up for myself was frustrating.

I honestly felt bad for Ryan, because he seemed to not understand what he was doing could upset someone in such a way. That was when I realized his true character, in how he really wasn't a people person. It didn't change anything about how much I loved him, just how I loved him..