Who Is Meant? AlyDen? BangLy?

Part 46. Den's confession

Den's

Aly is still rooted on her spot, she is just standing there and looking expressionlessly at me.

But I already said what I had hid for a very long time. Though not in the best way and not in the best circumstance, at least, finally, I was able to say it all out,

At least, now she knows. I thought.

I am breathing deep, despairingly wiping my tears and looking straight at her. Pakiramdam ko after that confession, parang wala na akong lakas at parang wala na akong pakialam.

Siguro dahil sa sobrang sakit, kaya wala na akong maramdaman. O dahil siguro dahil wala na rin naman? Because, now, it is  all up to her.

It is now all in her decision. If she's going to avoid me, give me, us chance or start to act as if we're strangers... it is all up to her.

But one thing is for sure, ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya, andun yun, hindi yun magbabago at lalong hindi mawawala.

Dahil alam kong matuto man akong magmahal ng iba, Alyssa Valdez will always be my first love.

Whilst I'm still intently looking at her, nilayo niya yung tingin niya sakin. Light lines formed in her forehead as she blinks for several times, probably processing what had just happened.

But I am so drained, it is so hard to look at her and she can't even look at me.

I walked pass through her and leave her there.

Not because I no longer care about her, but because I know, in this situation, the last person that can help her is me.

I'm sorry, Alyssa, but I cannot do what a best friend should do right now.

...

They say, being in love is the best feeling in the world but why does I have to feel this pain over and over again?

I went to our room and packed some of my things. This room is too small for the two us.

As much as she needs time to think, I need time to heal my heart.

I heard the door opened but I didn't bother to check who it was... because I know who it was. By the smell of her perfume, my heart thumps and my stomach goes somersault.

She just stood there on the door as she watch me packs.

I am already closing my bag when she spoke, "Den..."

I stand straight and look at her, pretending I have made my mind and nothing can change it.

I don't know how long will I have to stay away from her, but I know I will surely miss seeing her face everyday...

"Den, can we... talk...?"

"About what?"

"About... what... about what you said..."

I sighed,

Hayy, Aly. Even you had already hurt me several times, why can I just get mad at you? Looking at your face right now, even your make up's smudged, your hair's a mess and your eyes' are puffy, it still makes my heart jump.

"You don't have to say anything back, Ly. I'm just happy I could let you know how I feel. Maybe it wasn't the best moment, but at least, ngayon nasabi ko na."

"But, I hurt you... I hurt and still hurting you when all you do is care and protect me." she starts to cry again.

I walked towards her and held her face up. I wiped those tears as a my own tears run down, "Bakit ba hindi kita matiis?" naiiyak na nakangiti kong sabi.

"Ly, it was my choice to stay." I started to explain, "Coz, you know what? I tried... I tried so many times to walk away from you, but every time I do, I still find myself missing you..."

Though I am still looking in her eyes, I took my hands from her face and make a gap between us, "I love you so much, Ly... All this time, I've been so scared to tell you how I feel... I was so afraid you'll reject me because I know someone already owns that space." I cry as I pointed on her heart.

"So, I became contented on showing you how much I care about you on the best way I could. But best friend, I am hopelessly, uncontrollably, unconditionally in love with you... and it hurts..."

She quickly took my hands as she begs, "Then, stay, Den. Please, stay. I'll make it up to you. You know I am leaning on you, Den. Please, please stay..."

"I can't, Ly. As much as I love hearing those words from you, I know it isn't the same reason that I want you to feel kaya mo hinihiling na manatili ako. Mahal na mahal kita, pero sana hayaan mo kong bigyan ng halaga yung sarili ko."

I gently took my hands from her hold,

I took my bags and walks towards the door, while Aly is still standing on her same spot, looking at me.

I moved towards her and kissed her cheek, "Please, take care of yourself for me, Ly."

And, I did something I wish is really the best thing for us.

I close my eyes as I slowly shut the door behind me. The pain that it gives, is now slowly killing me. My eyes once again starts to water and I started to bursts into tears.

I have to do this now or I will never be able to do it.

This is for me, this is for us.

At least, I'll be able to save our friendship... even at least our friendship...

(Lame?)