Hard Work: ft Roc Royal

Is this how im suppose to feel?

Raina

When I woke up he was on his laptop. I guess he realized I was woke and he decided to look at me. "Goodmorning" he said with that voice I'll never get sick of in the morning. "Morning" I said trying to be mean. I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. But he just couldn't let me "can we talk " he said. "Yea cause I wasn't doing nothing" I said irritated. "I'm sorry bout everything that went down yesterday. I never meant for you to just forgive me like you did. I said something's I didn't mean and I regret it. I didn't mean to make you feel bad or feel as if you needed to apologize because you didn't have to. "He said genuinely. "I think for both of us, we should get a separation" he said. For a minute I felt torn then I had the feeling to just beat his ass.

"Hold on wait" I said closing my eyes trying to process this. "Ok so you, YOU NIGGA YOU decided that we should get a separation. All your bullshit, all the tantrums, all the walking out, arguments, disagreements, all that shit and u wanna a separation." I said almost among tears. "NIGGA did u ask me if I wanted a fucking separation. NO TF YOU DIDNT." I said pissed.

"Baby calm down its not a divorce, we just have some issues we need to work out to be the power couple we need to be. Ya know like Jayz and Beyoncé, relationship goals. I think we can make it. "He said confidently not even noting the anger growing inside of me.

"NIGGA if they was such a power couple why Beyoncé let solange he beat his ass in that elevator. Why Jayz cheat on her with numerous woman. You see yo stupid ass ain't listening we don't need no fucking counseling because if we get a separation I just no yo ass won't be faithful. And yes I found that bitches underwear under my bed. I can't I just can't live with you no more okay. I've sacrificed my own feelings for you. The worst thing about it is you don't give a fuck. So guess what nigga I don't fuck with you no more. Guess what I want a divorce and I don't give a fuck what you want." I said now with tears burning the surface of my skin.

"Wait baby, don't you think I'm something worth fighting for" he said "NIGGA SHUT THE FUCK UP OKAY IDGAF ABOUT U DONT U THINK IM SOMETHING TO FIGHT FOR. With yo conceited ass how in the hell did I marry yo bitch ass. " I yelled from the bathroom packing my makeup into my travel bag. "If you really wanna divorce you can have the house I'll leave." He said "nigga I don't want nothing you bought" I said. "Then leave cause I bought all this shit" he said. Those words made it official for me I was no longer anything to him just a fuck and buck. I was hurt and I just stood there staring in his eyes because I never thought he could be so dead of feelings.

"Ok" I said almost whispering, most of my belonging were of his purchase so I just walked pasted him and took out some clothes to wear. "I'll send these back to you when I get some money" I said referring to the clothes I just put on. He was silent just watching me leaning against the door frame with his arms folded. I took my phone and stopped by the door entrance. Just when I was about to say something "leave the phone" he said. I turned around and threw the phone at the bed.

He was serious I was serious too. I'm not playing these petty ass games anymore either.

I left the house and I took my well his car. As i fastened my seat belt I felt the urge to break down and I did. I didn't have anyone else but him. Most of my family was deceased or hated me for marrying him. So I backed out the drive way I didn't exactly know where I was going but I couldn't stay there. I drove and drove for hours not worrying about gas and the ridiculous price. I finally stopped at a park it looked like no one was there and it was getting dark. I had little money and I couldn't just get a hotel room. So I just turned the heat on in my car.

Boys II Men - I'll make love to you

Close your eyes, make a wish

And blow out the candlelight

For tonight is just your night

We're gonna celebrate, all thru the night

[Shawn:]

Pour the wine, light the fire

Girl your wish is my command

I submit to your demands

I'll do anything, girl you need only ask

[Chorus:]

I'll make love to you

Like you want me to

And I'll hold you tight

Baby all through the night

I'll make love to you

When you want me to

And I will not let go

'Till you tell me to

That was our song .... Figures

Chresanto

I watched her pull out the drive way and to be honest I felt some type of way. Was it my fault she left maybe maybe not. With her it was always something she wanted and I guess I wasn't enough. At times I would criticize and deny her love for me. Because it seemed she just wanted my money at times. But some times I felt like she really loved me. Like last night I didn't even do nothing for her to forgive. I called her bitch something I vowed never to call my woman or women period. Coming out of my mouth last night it was salty and I knew as soon as I said it I was wrong. I never thought we'd be talking divorce though. I didn't think she was serious either that's why I told her not to take anything I bought knowing I buy her everything. I later walked to the bed and I picked up her phone. She believed in trust so she gave me her password to her phone. I looked through everything looking for a flaw on her part in our relationship. I couldn't find one. Then I double tapped the apps to see there was only one open which was the camera set on one picture in particular. It was me and her on our wedding day. It read ' I'll always love you forever ' then I went to her most recent viewed and it was of me and her from college. I was kissing her cheek and she was smiling. Those memories were so nice and I did miss that. But that right there is the woman I married not the one that constantly calls me nigga and always wants something from me. She never wants me to work but always wants something from me. That doesn't even make since too me. What the fuck did she want. I'm not suppose to feel like this in a relationship it's suppose to be rainbows and lollipops most of the time and shit sometimes not the other way around.

I guess we need the divorce