Why Me? (Discontinued)

Chapter 14: Moment of Reflection

The song up above is called Face my Fears from Kingdom Hearts III by Hikaru Utada and Skrillex. This song always gets me in my feels. Enjoy.

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I limp into my house and slam the door shut. Luckily, my mom won't be home again for the next couple of nights due to a business trip. I drag myself up the stairs and into the bathroom. I give myself a good once over before I decide I'm disgusted with myself.

I hop into the shower to wash all the dirt and blood off of me. It stings when I get to the cut and bite wound but not something I haven't endured before. I wash all the twigs and grim out of my hair and get out of the shower.

I wrap myself in a towel and pull out my first aid kit. I begin to disinfect the cut and the bite, put ointment on them, and then bandage them up. When I'm finished, I pick out some sweatpants and a sweatshirt and put on my fuzzy socks.

I grab my headphones from my nightstand, my sketchbook, and head out onto my balcony. I plug my headphones into my phone and scroll to my depression playlist. I start playing Face my Fears by Hikaru Utada and Skrillex. I open my sketchbook to an empty page and begin sketching whatever my hand feels like. I start to sing along to the lyrics.

Breath, should I take a deep?
Faith, should I take a leap?
Taste, what a bittersweet
All my, all my life

Let me face, let me face
Let me face my fears
Let me face, let me face
Let me face my fears
Won't be long, won't be long
I'm almost here
Watch me cry all my tears

Lose, don't have nothing to
Space, this is what I choose
A mile, could you walk in my shoes?
All your, all your life

Let me face, let me face
Let me face my fears
Let me face, let me face
Let me face my fears
Won't be long, won't be long
I'm almost here
Watch me cry all my tears

When I reach the last verse, I notice that my hand has finished drawing. I look at the drawing and let a few tears escape. I drew Jacob and Dustin standing next to each other. I outline their features with my fingers and some tears hit the page.

I wipe my eyes and close my sketchbook. I look out into the yard and see a pair of blue jays dancing around each other.

"I'm glad someone's happy today." I look up into the sky and watch as the clouds go by. I miss them...so much. But I need time to fully process what happened today.

I could have died today all because I wanted to play Hide and Seek in unknown territory. I thought I was safe with him and his friends. But ever since I met them, I seem to be in nothing but trouble. I can't leave him because I love him. But when I needed him most, he wasn't there.

I let out a heavy sigh and close my eyes. I let the music drown out my thoughts and pain. I let the sunshine on my face and mumble the words to the songs.

It starts to get colder outside which gives me the inkling that nighttime is about to fall. I look down at my phone and see that it's 6:30 pm. I feel a presence in front of me and I look up. Jason seemed to have found his way into my house and is now looming over me. I take my earplugs out so I can speak to him.

"How did you get into my house?"

"I needed to speak to you, Cali."

I sigh, scoot over, and pat the space next to me. "Have a seat."

He sits down next to me and faces me. What I was not expecting is the tight hug that he pulls me into. "I am so sorry Cali. I never meant to put you in danger. The whole pack is devastated that this happened to you on their watch. Hell, Dustin is losing his mind not being able to see you right now and knowing that he didn't protect you when you needed him. He won't come out of his room and he won't eat dinner. Cali, he's beating himself up because he could have lost you today. We all could have lost you today. I almost lost you today. A sister who I wish was really my sister. Please come back to the house. We need you to keep us together and to fix Dustin. I have never seen him so distraught than when you walked away from him without looking back. He completely lost it after you left."