▪I'll never get over it▪(Suicidal! Deku) Completed

Chapter 7

Edited: 8/9/20

=Deku's POV=

Mr. Aizawa left about an hour ago, and in all that time I had done absolutely nothing. Just idly staring at the wall, ignoring the tapping in the window from the light rain starting to form. I shook my head, rubbing my tired eyes and stood up, pushing old assignments to the floor and looking for the ones due tomorrow, and got to work.

3 painful hours later of me zoning in and out questioning my existence and the importance of things and everything was done. I lazily stuffed my backpack with my papers and headed to bed, trying to find a spot where I could sleep in.

Carefully maneuvering around the random things thrown in it, I settled in a spot by the corner, and curled up. My eyes snapping open as I rememberd that the main reason I didn't sleep were nightmares, I groaned in annoyance as I sat up.

'You should get some sleep, your bags are starting to look like mine'.

The phrase repeated in my head. I'm sorry Mr. Aizawa, I'd like to follow your orders but you're asking for the impossible. I should be insomniac buddies with Shinso, that's be fun and entertaining. Not to mention a good way to become closer!

Bold of you to assume he'd like to spend a whole night with you.

What do you mean? He totally would like to spend time with me! Right....?

You'd just distract him. You know, trash like you can't change. So just leave.

Tempting, but no thank you. Anyways, Shinso would totally-

Shut up.

And my body shut down just like that. I mentally freaked out, but it felt as if I was on autopilot, until I started moving clumsily, the various items on my bed clattering to the floor. I loomed over my desk the half finished art project presented infront on me, what caught my eye was the dangerous glint of the exacto knife.

Grab the blade and cut.

My eyes welled up with tears as I involuntarily, grabbed the blade tightly, gasping as it cut my fingers. I walked to the bathroom, locking the door behind me and slumped against it, suddenly in full control of my body. I dropped the blade, scooting away from it as I cradled my injured hand to my chest. 

Do it, or I'll make you

I gulped, gingerly leaning over and graabing the blade with my other hand. I rolled up my hoodie sleeve, pressed the blade over my soft skin, and swiped. I hissed as blood seeped out, seemingly hypnotized by the steady flow of blood. This wasn't that bad.

The pain felt grounding.

Now that I think about it, I've been harming myself since highschool, excessive lip biting, aggresive scratching, causing bruises to myself. Though nothing was as good as this.

An airy laugh came out my mouth as I continued the action. Over, and over again. I snapped out of my trance, wrist bloody, hand as well. I coveer my mouth before scarmbling to look for first aid supplies, running the wounds -11- under whater and putting some cream on them before wrapping them up snuggly.

I lazily took out some cleaning supplies, sighing as I effortlessly cleaned the floor, running the exacto knife under water before leaving it in the edge of the sink. Heading to my bed, I curled up again in the same spot, though I didn't sleep, instead thinking over my choices.

I checked my phone and read the time 5:03. Might as well get ready. I took my clothes off and my bandages too, before slipping into the shower. Some ice cold water should do the trick to wake me up.

"Agh! That hurts!" I flinched at the contact of water and my cuts. They stung and bled slightly, the water being stained a very light pink, although I ignored it and moved on.

Once done, I re-bandaged my cuts and slipped on my uniform. I skipped breakfast again. I've been losing appetite, being more prone to headaches, and also just really feeling out of it. Its so hard to clean my room or do my homework. I actually have to convince myself there's a valuable reason for me to get out of bed and head to class.

"Oi Deku! How- wait a fucking second why do you look so bad?"

Ouch.

"Nothing happened Kacchan. Just couldn't sleep again." I ignored him as I headed to my seat, sitting down with a plop as I crelessly threw my bag to the ground. Books and papers probably getting even more dented and ruined. 

"You do know you have to sleep right? What do you want, 'Oh I want mommy to come and cuddle me'". He laughed loudly, sitting down in his own chair.

"You're so dumb Deku. I sometimes get better grades than you and I don't even try."

"I know I'm stupid, you don't need to rub it in Kacchan."

He looked at me a surprised. I've never seen Kacchan shut up so quickly in his life. He turned around, now facing the board, where Mr. Aizawa stood with the a clip board usually used for attendance, saying my classmate's name in order.

"Katsuki Bakugou".

 "Tch".

"Alright then". Mr. Aizawa looked up quickly to ensure Kacchan was actually in the class. He quickly did a checkmark motion to what I guess would be next to Kacchan's name. 

"Izuku Midoriya".

 "H-here". I said quietly, slightly raising my hand. I've never really like any attention on me. He glanced up again, and his expression changed from utter boredom to concern as he saw my face. I could see him visibly gulp before he looked back down. Checking off my name.

 "Alright.." he said skeptically, giving me nervous and concerned looks as he finished the others' names.

Today's gonna be a long day.

687 words

967 words (edited)