animal / mileven au.

four.

CHAPTER FOUR;
NO JUDGMENT.

mike had left hours ago, leaving el alone to deal with a very shocked max. a half-hour had passed before the ginger could form any words upon witnessing the sight she saw. el was patient, only thankful that the silencing wasn't shaming her the way words would -- though in a sense, the quiet also elicited feelings of guilt. had it not been for her and mike's crimes, max wouldn't be so frazzled.

max was perched on the sofa in el's family room, clutching the now-room temperature tea, still processing el's explanation. she inhaled deeply before looking bad at the wide-eyed brunette, brimming with nervousness and concern. "you're saying this has been going on for four months?" she quizzed, racking her mind for all the lost clues.

el frowned, unable to deny the immense shame she felt. she nodded, "to be honest, i thought it would end when summer did, but we just couldn't help ourselves." the words sounded desperate in her head, but hearing them aloud made her want to insides cave from embarrassment.

"and daniel has no idea?" at the sound of his name, the guilt returned to el's conscience. she shook her head. max huffed, "i don't know what to say, el. i mean, you're supposed to be my better half, my moral compass, my--"

el's nostrils flared slightly as she exhaled deeply before interjecting, "stop doing that. you and everyone else hold me to these unrealistic standards, making it impossible for me to make mistakes."

"mistakes? el, if this was a mistake to you, i don't think it would've lasted four months," the best friend chided back, leaning forward and placing the mug in he hands on the coffee table.

el's gaze lowered, knowing the redhead's words held a great deal of truth. "i just got tired of being so -- so reserved. my entire life, i've thought everything through and acted on logic and rationality, max. but this -- this thing with mike, it's not just about the sex. it's about me, kind of -- it's about me acting on what i want, no matter how irrational and reckless it is," she explained, hoping her justification would ease the disappointment coating the ginger's features.

max flickered her eyes to the couch, shaking her head slightly. she took a deep breath before locking eyes with her best friend again, sitting up a little straighter. "look, el, i love you, okay? i'm your best friend, and i would never judge you. but, as your best friend, it's my job to look out for you and give you my honest opinion, even if it's not what you want to hear," she began. el pursed her lips before nodding. "what you and mike are doing is wrong. the two of you are in serious relationships, and while candy might be a raging bitch, and while i know i've taken the piss out of calling daniel squeaky clean and boring, they don't deserve this. someone's going to get hurt, whether it's them, or mike, or you. this won't end well."

"how would mike and i get hurt?" el asked. "it's not like we're dating behind they're back, it's just sex."

max ignored how foreign those words in el's voice sounded, and clarified, "it's never just sex, el. you can't be that intimate with someone and expect to never feel something for them."

el defiantly disagreed, "you just don't understand what we're doing. when i say it's only physical, i mean it."

the best friend let out a humorless laugh. "i believe you believe that, but i don't. your feelings might not have caught up to you yet which is good. no one will have to get hurt if you two just end whatever it was and move on. daniel and candy never even have to know," max claimed, feeling a sense of accomplishment like she had solved the problem.

knowing very well that tonight's crime of passion certainly wouldn't be their last, el shook her head. "i know it's wrong, max. i know that it's so, so wrong, like on every level. i know that, but i can't stay away. i realize how desperate i sound right now, but it's different with mike. not just the sex, but the after and the before." she looked down to her hands that fiddled together in her lap. "it's like i don't have to pretend to be perfect. i don't know if it's because of how flawed our circumstances are when we're together that there's no point in pretending, but i do know how i feel -- and i feel free," she claimed with slight shrug.

max sighed, "what about daniel?"

"i love daniel, but when i'm with him, i feel like i'm pretending again. i feel like i have to smile and sit up straight and laugh at all the stupid jokes his friends make, and it's all so suffocating," she groaned.

max's brows drew together, "have you considered, i don't know, breaking up with him? just an idea."

el didn't laugh at the joke, she only vehemently shook her head, "i cant, max. he would be so heartbroken, and i do love him, really. i couldn't stand hurting him like that."

"el, just because you love him doesn't mean you're in love with him. plus, if he were to find out what was really going on, he'd be a million times more hurt than you just ending things in a good note," max tried to sway her. she reached out a hand the grab one of el's, "do the what's right."

the chief's daughter pulled her hand away with a blow of air from her lips, "i'm tired of doing the right thing, max! i just -- i want them both, but in different ways." she saw max go to speak, and she hurried to remind her, "you said you would never judge me."

the blue-eyed girl nodded. "no judgment here, just -- just be careful, especially with mike."

el was confused by the last three words, "huh? what do you mean by that?" max shook her head, hoping to dismiss the thought. "no, you meant something by that. what?"

the redhead hesitated, but obliged, "i just, i've known mike for a few years, okay? and yeah, he's sort of a dick to most people, but it's kind of a defense mechanism -- at least, that's what lucas calls it."

again, el shook her head, "i still don't understand, a defense mechanism for what exactly?"

she could tell max was thinking about her response very carefully. "he's been through a lot, and i think it affects him more than he lets on."

"been through a lot?" the brunette repeated.

"it's not my place to share, el. i'm sorry," max decided with a soft smile. "just be careful. he's more prone to attachments than he seems." el nodded, glad to finally put the topic to rest. max's eyes met the clock on the wall, "shit, it's two in the morning. 'mind if i crash here?"

"of course," el replied, tossing the blanket off her legs. "let me put these mugs in the kitchen, i'll be right up," she explained before grabbing the two half-full mugs. she heard max's feet pattering up the stairs to her bedroom.

as she poured the remaining tea down the sink, her mind couldn't help but drift back to what max had just said.

he's more prone to attachments than he seems.

what was that even supposed to mean? mike wheeler was like the least likely person in the world to 'catch feelings' with his record of one-night stands and girlfriends. how could max even imply such a thing?

el shook her head, ridding herself of the obscure idea. when she was with him, she always had an optimal view of his eyes and they were only ever filled with one thing:

lust.

...

a/n: oooh tea. kind of didn't like this chapter. my mind is kind of bleh rn and i feel like it rly shows in my writing, i'm sorry!! thanks for reading tho! x

word count: 1354