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Santa: This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

Banta: But why?

Santa: I was staring at her boobs when she said, "Would you please press one?"

So I did. I don't remember much after that!

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A whore to Santa during sex: Keep it up!

Santa: Is it a complaint or compliment!

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Santa goes to school and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

Santa: "Mas-tur-bate."

Teacher smiles and says, "Wow, Santa, that's a mouthful."

Santa: No, Teacher, you're thinking of a blowjob!

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Santa: I joined a dating agency the other day. It asked me what I liked most and I replied "Girls From Page 3".

Banta: So got any replies?

Santa: None. And even I wondered why I had no replies, until I noticed the letter 'P' wasn't fucking working on my keyboard!

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Santa was caught in the act by his girlfriend's father.

Girlfriend's father confronted Santa: You took my daughters virginity!

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Santa: I'm sorry, Uncle. It won't happen again!

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