WOUNDED

20. Rock Bottom

To say that the suicidal thoughts hadn't crossed her mind again would not be the truth. In fact it was the only consistent thing on her mind since that first day a month ago. Alex had thought and thought about it and everyday it sounded better in her head. She could feel herself giving in to the dark thoughts. Maybe she'd get to see her dad again.

Today she had a party to attend to. Ryan had invited her and she couldn't miss it for the world. He supplied her favourite drugs and she was much in need of restocking. Trying to find clothes to wear in her disorganized closet, she stumbled upon a white envelope crumbled at the farthest corner. Grabbing it Alex remembered the long forgotten letter from her dad's Will. She couldn't even remember bringing it along.

Alex was shocked, the fact that she not only forgot his dad's letter but also never got to read it was scary. How could she forget the precious thing. What had become of her? Opening it carefully, she sat on the bed not knowing what to expect.

"To my baby girl. By the time you receive this I'll be gone already. I'm currently dictating the words to my lawyer so there's no doubt of my deteriorating health. I've come to accept my fate and I hope you'll accept it eventually. I'm sorry for leaving you, I'm sorry for not fighting more. I've tried so much baby but it's hard. I'm losing this battle and soon it'll be over. I love you so much and it pains me knowing I'll be leaving you behind. Just know that I want to stay so bad, I want to see you flourish and give me grandkids. You have so much potential Alex so don't waste it girl. Concur the world, it's all yours.

Do your best and I'll be cheering on you from wherever I'll be. You have been a gem, a true blessing to me. You were there throughout the pain and I could never ask for more. I'll carry the memories to the next life. Thanks a lot for being my best friend and the best daughter in the world. I'm proud of being your dad and of the woman you've become. Keep the Steven's torch burning bright, I know you'll make me proud. Take care baby girl. I love you.
Your loving dad. "

This was like watching her dad die all over again. Long after the party was forgotten, Alex still lay on the bed crying. To know how much she'd failed him and how much faith he had in her was eating her from the inside. "I'm sorry dad, I'm so sorry for disappointing you. I've failed you, I didn't make you proud. You'd be so much disgusted by the person I've become. I've brought shame upon the Steven's name. I'm so sorry daddy,I don't deserve your love and kind words." Whispering out to the darkness, she lay there crying for hours.

Later after much darkness had fallen, Alex knew what she had to do. Carrying the letter and alcohol she left for the beach. Her mind was made up, tonight will be the night everything would end. She had reached the rope's end. Not bothering to put on a sweater she walked slowly with her destination on mind. She'll only wait till everyone went inside, it was time to be reunited with her dad.

Drinking her vodka slowly, she watched as it got late and late and people thin out till the beach was completely deserted. She was feeling at peace, her mind was at ease. Rereading her letter over and over again, she finally tore it to tiny pieces and left them get blown away.

She cried for the life that could have been. For another life that her family could have been together. For another life that her dad would be alive and her mother would be loving. But that was just wishful thinking. Chugging down the last gulp she discarded the bottle and stood to get closer to the water.

Getting to the water line she paused to enjoy the breeze for the last time. She was certain that the raging storms wouldn't spare her. From afar she looked like she was just enjoying the scenery at night. The moon was not shining brightly today which was favouring her. With her dad as the last thought on her mind, she stepped into the water ready for the fate she'd chosen.

Before the water could reach her waist, she was interrupted by someone shouting from a distance. "Hey you there, do you know the nearest bus stop around this area. I've been walking around in circles and you're the first person I've seen." The unexpected voice had caused Alex to slip into the water and she was now soaked from head to bottom.

"Son of a bitch, how about you never sneak on someone like that!!" Alex was writhing and couldn't help the words coming out of her mouth. The idiot had to have the worst timing ever. Rising up and walking back to the shore she was seeing red and was ready to mouth off the person who dared disrupt her plans.

"Hey girly, don't come at me like that, it's not my fault you were not paying attention. What are you even doing here at this moment?" Closing the distance between them, Alex looked up to examine the owner of the voice. He was a little bit taller than her  5'10 or 5'11 with brown hair. He was wearing blue shorts and a floral button up shirt that was open revealing his entire chest and stomach. He was holding a guitar with one hand. Nothing much to look at, she thought.

"What am doing is none of your business boy, so how about you get lost and leave me be." Standing a good distance from him, she couldn't help the sneer on her mouth. With her plans disrupted, she turned and started trekking home. Tomorrow was another day, tomorrow she would do it.

"Hey, don't you dare leave like that, you have to direct me to the bus stop or somewhere I'll catch a cab." The guy called out following her. Who did this guy think he was, how did his bus stop problems concern her, she had her own problems to care about.

Choosing not to reply to him, she continued walking home aware of the guy following her.