Ell was silent as she drove to her boyfriend's house. Her and Edd had been dating for about 7 months. She spent a lot of time sleeping over.
She thought back on yesterday as she drove over. She had been very disappointed when he blew her off. When she came in she just lost her shit on him. She started screaming and cursing about him not keeping his word.
Thinking back it wasn't her finest moment. To make matters worse when she went to apologize to everyone she only got half way through it cause she's so soft hearted. The person began to fuss at her.
The spiral into depression that day was heavy. She had been stressed and disappointed and stood up by Edd. Of course she did deserve to be fussed at. She knew she needed to apologize. She just couldn't. She didn't want to cry.
As she pulled up to her boyfriend's house, she took a deep breath, her depression creeping up as she remembered what she did. Opening the door, she saw all of her stuff piled up. Her heart skipped a beat.
Why is my stuff here? Oh god, he's gonna dump me, isn't he? I've made a huge mistake. His family probably hates me. God I'm such a fuck up.
All these things ran through her mind. She walked to her boyfriend's room. He sat there on his computer. When he saw her, he took his headphones off.
"Why's my stuff piled up in the front?" She asked.
"My mom put it there." He told her.
"Why?"
"I don't know." He said as her led her to his mom's room.
Oh god, I fucked up. I'm so stupid. How could I ruin everything in one fucking try? They'll never let me come back.
"Hey baby!" His mother greeted.
She began to play in her hair. "You heard about yesterday?"
"Yes." She said nodding. "Listen, I know you didn't mean to come in like that, but maybe it's best you two have some space."
Those words cut though Ell. They echoed in her head. She tugged on her hair as she tried not to cry.
His mother continued. "Edd came to me and told me that he needs some space, but didn't want to hurt your feelings."
Ell looked over at Edd. He wasn't even near her. He just looked at her nervously. She looked back at his mom. She couldn't hold back the tears from softly falling.
"It's okay. A little space will be good for you too." She told Ell. Ell turned to look at Edd again. He looked really uncomfortable.
"Why didn't you tell?" She asked.
"I'm sorry." He said softly.
"He's just like his father. Too nervous to talk. It's okay though. You two need time apart." His mother said.
Ell knew she was trying to help. Somewhere deep inside her she wanted to believe that it wasn't true. Unfortunately there was no denying it. Edd wanted her out. She tried to remain calm, despite her tears betraying her. She didn't want to cry here. Not now.
He's gonna dump me. He can't stand me for more than a week. He's gonna leave me. We aren't gonna work.
Ell's thoughts screamed at her. She needed to leave. She needed to leave fast. She left the room. Ell made quick work of checking her stuff.
Edd brought the stuffed animal he had given her last night to help cheer her up. "No." Ell said softly. Edd just looked sadly at it. He left.
She grabbed her laundry basket and left. She sat in her car before leaving. Hoping. Hoping he would come see her. Give her a kiss. Something...
It never happened. She never got so much as a goodbye. She began to weep. But part of her didn't want Edd to see.
We had practically lived together in college. This never happened before. Did he ever feel that way before and just not say anything?
She put her car in drive. As she pulled out she could feel the depression build. She cried so heavily as she drove. Honestly, at that moment Ell didn't care what happened. She was so upset.
Part of her prayed he'd message her. Tell her something. She knew he wouldn't. Ell couldn't help her vision blur.
How the fuck did I fuck up this bad? Can he even stand me anymore? Am I not good enough? Why do I fuck things up?
Ell beat herself up. Deep down she knew she was being dramatic. She knew this wasn't healthy. She knew that it was just temporary. Yet, part of her didn't care if she got in a horrible accident and ended up in the hospital.
She got so deep in her depression that she felt numb. She never realized she was going 10 under the speed limit. She didn't want to go home. Not like this. She was gonna go home tonight regardless. Yet, now that it wasn't by choice, she wanted to turn around and beg to be let back in.
Her drive wasn't long enough. It wasn't good enough, she didn't get to cry long enough. She pulled over down her road. She checked herself. She didn't look like she was crying.
Perfect. She pulled up at her house.
